Traces and Storms

xxxi

   Myungsoo's words were fragile bubbles that lingered. If I took in a sharp breath of air, or if I moved a little, then everything would burst. And so, that was exactly what I did.

I cocked my head, and whispered, "What are you talking about?"

He lifted his forefinger, with the very tip pointing at the clear sky. His dark eyes, however, were still fixed on mine. Despite the distance between us, I could clearly see how our surroundings were reflected against his irises. "Correction: we almost died here."

"Myungsoo," I scoffed. "You can't keep on speaking in riddles."

"I'm not, though," he licked his chapped lips. "One main reason why this station closed down in the first place is because of us."

Silence.

"I don't expect you to remember," he said. "In fact, I'd dread it if you even remembered anything. I would rather carry this burden alone. But I'm an asshole."

"You aren't making any sense."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

He stood up and walked over to his DSLR, only to press some buttons and turn the dial. It took him some time to adjust the settings to his liking, and all I could do was watch in silence. He glanced over me, and said, "Why don't you try it, as well?"

That was what I did, but I walked back to the lobby and took a photograph of the broken dome. The debris glistened beneath the sun, and I decided to take a long exposure of that, wondering about the outcome. I left the camera standing on the tripod, and returned to where Myungsoo was. He was back sitting on the bench, and he offered the vacant space beside him, to which I occupied.

"The reason why I got held back in school is because I almost died."

"I'm not asking," I blurted out, and the crack in my voice failed to hide my nervousness. Nobody really talked about Myungsoo's case, and although being curious about the mystery behind his situation, I could never pluck the courage to ask him, because nobody ever did.

He ran his hand through his thick hair, and sighed. We sat there in silence, and despite the brightness and warmth of it all, I felt cold. I looked around, searching for triggers—just something that would help me jog my memory and confirm if the things Myungsoo said were true.

Nothing.

"So you've been here all this time?" I asked.

"All this time," he echoed.

I looked at him. "Why didn't you tell Sungyeol?"

"It's something I can't tell him," he said.

My brows furrowed, and my lips curled up into a slight frown. "Why is that?"

"Because he cares for me."

"And yet, you're still here."

"This train station is nothing compared to a living, breathing storm, Bae Suji."

"Are we back to talking about Soojung again?"

"I want her to suffer," he seethed. "So fucking much."

The fervent words which came out from his gnashed teeth and tightened jaw trickled with venom. It scared me, and left me speechless.

"Do you really love her?" I choked out.

"Living like this, do you know what I've learned?" Myungsoo gazed at me. "Turn something you detest into a habit, and you'd fool yourself into actually liking it."