Original Sin (MewGulf AU)

🌻Chapter 4

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"I don't know what it is, but you look really worn out, Gulf."

Just as Gulf was about to leave, Yaya started talking to him. Gulf jerked his head up at her observation, and then dug his nails into his palms.

"Uh, what?"

"You look pretty tired. I like my men a little broody, but you just look tired. Didn't get much sleep last night?"

Yaya took care of variety of miscellaneous tasks that made her indispensable to the department. She had been at her job a long time and talked to everyone very casually. Gulf didn't think she'd picked up on his relationship with Mew, but her sharp observation startled him.

"No, I stayed up all night reading. I'm going home early today to get some sleep."

"You ought to go out on a date every once in a while. Don't you get lonely?"

As soon as the word 'date's was out of her mouth, Yaya started talking faster. Apparently she had remembered halfway through her thought that Gulf had broken off his engagement only three months earlier.

"Unfortunately, I don't have a girlfriend."

"You should go to a mixer, then. I'm planning one soon."

"Thanks, but I think I'm going to hold off for now," Gulf answered with a serene smile. He picked up his bag and started saying his goodbyes.

Gulf's boss and coworkers thought that the wounds of his failed engagement still hadn't healed and that was the reason he didn't date. Really it was that when he took Mew into consideration, Gulf felt strange announcing that he was seeing someone. Gulf loved Mew more than anyone and that was why he wanted to let the relationship develop in secret.

As asexual and subdued as Gulf had been, he had never expected to have fallen so deeply in love with anyone. He had expected to get married like everyone else and live an ordinary life. He had gotten engaged to a girl from his college club, Bow, with that in mind. She had been level-headed and ordinary, and he had anticipated a happy life befitting them both.

But when Gulf met Mew, everything changed. Gulf just couldn't do it anymore. It would never work if he was under the sway of that eager passion. Gulf pressed his lips tightly together, convinced of the fact.

The most important problem facing Gulf then was improving his performance at work. Of course he was pleased with the success of Emergence, but Gulf's abilities had no real effect on that. He had just gotten lucky. He wanted a real challenge for his talents next time. That was what he wanted most.

So he had to control himself and be more rational when he was with Mew.

Gulf considered all that as he entered a large bookstore located near the office and, as if drawn by a magnet, walked toward the new fiction release. The expansive store was full of office workers on their way home. Copies of Emergence were arranged in a prominent pile. As Gulf watched, a young woman picked up a copy.

Swallowing thickly, he watched the scene, fixated. The woman was examining the books, trying to pick the best one possible. Then a hand appeared beside her, an old man had picked up one of the books and then walked away, full of purpose, to buy his own copy of Emergence.

It was moments like those when Gulf felt pride in his work. And not just for Mew's book. There was nothing better than seeing people buy the books of the authors he worked with. He would have to tell Mew about it the next time he saw him. Gulf was sure it would make him happy, too.

Lost in thought, without any of his usual attentiveness, Gulf wandered into the young adult section of the store. Of course, he didn't think there would be anything impressive there, but the title of one of the books lined up on the shelf in front of him happened to catch his eyes.

"Oh," Gulf said aloud, receiving looks from the high school boys selecting their books. The letters on the book's spine caught Gulf off guard.

Appearance.

The author's name was Bright Vachirawit. The name sounded familiar, but unfortunately Gulf couldn't remember why. As if caught in a spell, Gulf picked the book up. The illustration on the cover looked almost like a real piece of art, which was unusual for young adult fiction.

The author's profile was written on the
inside flap, but the information was cold and uninteresting; birth date, current residence, and an interest in pool. But the title had a powerful tug on Gulf's heart. The title 'appearance' was similar to Mew's book, 'emergence'.

The summary told Gulf that the story was neither fantasy nor science fiction. It was more like a mystery novel. He was surprised to learn that the publisher carried other books like it. Gulf became convinced there was some meaning in his find.

Suddenly, his cellphone began chirping to announce an incoming call. It was the sound he had chosen to play only when Mew called, so he knew who it was without even looking at the screen.

The high school boys glared at him again. With Appearance in hand, Gulf went out to the main floor where he wouldn't attract attention.

"Hello, this is Gulf."

"It's me."

Perhaps because Gulf was hearing it over the phone, the impact of Mew's enthralling tenor was lessened, but it was still at gorgeous as ever.

"What can I do for you, sir?" Without meaning to, Gulf drove straight to the point. He heard Mew's low chuckle on the other end of the line.

"I was thinking of going to Hayama tomorrow and wondered if you wanted to come."

Mew had a mansion in Hayama. When his grandfather had rebuilt the family's home in the city, he couldn't bring himself to tear down the old building, so he had moved it to Hayama. It was a perfect example of just how astonishingly wealthy Mew's family was.

"You went to all the trouble of arranging dinner last night, and then I ruined it. I want to make it up to you."

Just the thought of what had happened made Gulf's heart flutter with a mixture of shame and regret. He had gone to see Mew on business that night, but before he realized it Mew had distracted him and made him forget all about work. Gulf knew it was useless to try and restrain his emotions, but he couldn't just let them go, either.

Makihara had even pressured Gulf to ask Mew about another novel, just before he went to Mew's house, but he'd even forgotten to do that. Gulf felt a powerful self-loathing at his surrender to debauchery.

Gulf wanted to go to Hayama. He missed Mew, and the opportunity to forget about deadlines and just spend some time with him was tempting. But Gulf's hesitation lasted only a moment before he put the brakes on his desire.

Before, Mew had insisted on keeping business and pleasure separate. Perhaps Mew was influenced by his new love and had lost sight of the fact that it was interfering with their work. There was also the possibility, even then, that Mew was testing him to decide if he was worthy of being his lover or not.

"Are you planning to stay only one night?" Gulf asked.

"I want to take my time and enjoy it there. Are you too busy to go right now?"

"Yes. I'm very sorry, but I'm going to be busy with proofreading paperbacks for a while. And I think it might be awkward if I take any vacation days right now."

Conscious of other people's eyes on him, Gulf spoke quietly, hiding between two bookshelves.

"I see," Mew responded with an easy casualness, trampling Gulf's feelings, which wanted so badly for Mew to try and stop him. "Well, that's too bad. We'll do it some other time."

"Sorry for the trouble," Gulf replied and hung up. He let out a long sigh. He wished he could have told Mew about what he had just seen, but it seemed impossible to chit-chat after turning down Mew's invitation.

Gulf didn't want to pin all the blame on Mew, but he felt pathetic for being unable to act smooth around the other man. Gulf was a productive member of society, work and love should be compatible.

Gulf's rational mind tried its best to keep his heart under control, but it insisted on surrendering to love. With Mew as that object of love, Gulf's rational mind had a very difficult task ahead of it.

TBC