My eyes fluttered as I awoke from a sleep that felt like years, with every small flutter the pain of the bright white lights started to disappear. I let out a loud sigh before opening my eyes fully causing me to go into shock and panic.
The white walls around me were way too familiar. So was the light green blanket and hospital gown that was placed around my body. I had been admitted again. It had failed again. I had failed again.
"Oh Miss Irwin you're awake, that's so good to see" a nurse said entering my isolated hospital room.
"Is it?" I laughed as she shook her head
"With attitude like that you'll be back here again too soon" she sighed before the door opened showing a doctor with my brother hot on his heels
"Miss Irwin good morning, nice to see you're aw-" he started before my brother pushed past him causing him to stop talking
"You are so unbelievably dumb you do realised that" ashton bellowed as I rolled my eyes "I love you too damn much for this to keep happening, you can't go three months without trying to leave this world can you?" He shouted as I began to cry.
"I had to try again ashton I'm sorry it was getting too much for me" I said as he wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly
"You are such an idiot Nicky. But you're my little sister so I'm allowing to call you that okay" he said as I laughed into his chest "hey that's that laugh that everyone loves and wants around" he said as I held him tight.
Suddenly there was a cough at the opposite end of the room causing us both to convert our attention to the doctor patiently stood at the end of my bed.
"Look Miss Irwin, like your brother said a minute ago this is now becoming a regular occurrence. We have seen you here twice in the last six months for the exact same reason" he said as I started twiddling with my thumbs "obviously we know from your records that you're depressed and are on medication for that and that you have a serious history of self harm and confidence issues but I need you to realise you've been in a medically induced coma all week, you were lucky your friend found you when they did. Ten more minutes and you would have died Miss Irwin" he said as I started to cry again
"Who found me? I asked looking at Ashton
"Michael did, he found you on the bathroom floor with an empty pill bottle on the side" he said holding my hand
"What was Michael doing in our house?" I questioned as he shook his head
"You are so oblivious to the world around you aren't you" he replied looking heartbroken "it was our day off from tour and I wanted to surprise you as I know you'd be feeling alone as the first week without me is always the hardest for you. We tried calling we all did but you just weren't picking up. Mike was seeing his parents a couple of blocks away from us so he said he'd go check on you and the next thing I knew I had a call telling me he was here with you" he said as I nodded thankful that it wasn't ashton or kensie my best friend who had found me. Although I'd probably scarred Michael for life I'd rather it was him than someone I was extremely close to. Selfishly I don't think I'd every be able to look at my family in the face again if they saw me laying unconscious in the bathroom. But with Michael the thought of him seeing me unconscious meant next to nothing to me. I only saw him when he was with my brother. He wasn't my friend he was Ashton's friend.
"Look what we're thinking is to let you go home tonight, all being that your vitals are okay by then. You're going to need to have someone with you 24/7. Now we suggested to your brother that we could get you into an amazing psychiatrist hospital where they will have everything you need all the time. However he was very persistent on you going away with him and his band." The doctor said as I nodded thankful that ashton gave them a second option as he knew the last thing I'd ever want is to be put into a psychiatric hospital.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" I asked wanting the doctor's opinion
"I think it could go one of two ways, the lack of routine with a tour and the constant changing of environment could just stress you out more than you need. However your brother has told me all about how creative you are and how much you love being in an environment where music is played and people are happy. I think we just need to find your spark back. And this may be the way to do it. It's your decision at the end of the day, you're an adult no one will force you, for now"
"What do you mean for now" ashton snapped letting go of my hand
"Mr Irwin you have to respect that this is a very serious case. Most patients who have done something similar would have been sent to a psychiatric hospital straight away without an alternative arrangement. This is your last chance Miss Irwin" the doctor said as I nodded
"I'll go on the tour then" I said before opening the notes and scribbling something down.
"I'll be back later to clear your discharge from the hospital" he said before shaking Ashton's hand and leaving the room
"What are we going to do with you sis" he said ruffling my hair making me shake my head to get him off
"Ashton I'd like to speak to Mike"
"You can when you get out"
"No i need to before I leave here"
YOU ARE READING
Despair m.c
Fanfiction"You just lay here all day and never try get up" "What else do you expect" • In which Nicky is clinically depressed and can't find a reason to be okay until Michael walks into her life and makes it his mission to keep Nicky alive.
