I grabbed the purple notepad on the side and sat down in between Michael and Ashton and started to doodle as we waited for Ashton to stop talking about a burger he had earlier on in the day.
"What you drawing?" Michael asked as I continued doodling a flower ignoring his question "it's rude to ignore people you know"
"It's rude to interrupt people when they're doing something" i snapped back as he rolled his eyes
"I was just trying to start conversation Nicky don't bite my head off" he replied just as Ashton stopped talking about his food and finally started talking about the notebook I had been given.
"Okay for the benefit of Nicky I'm going to explain this notebook. In the first page you will write a letter to yourself to open at the end of tour. This letter can be as long or as short as you like just make it so that on the last day of tour you have something to reflect on. After that the notebook is yours to keep. Us boys tend to use it to write songs or lyrics we like down but you can use yours for whatever you like, like your doodling" Ashton said as I smiled at him thinking this was a cute little tradition they had "I'll put on some music and we can start writing. The envelopes are in the middle of the table so once you're done just seal it and put your name on top"
I flicked over the page full of doodles and started to write
Dear future me,
I don't know when I'll get to read this again and I don't know if I'll make it to reading this again. It all depends on how well I hold up I guess. I hope that by the end of this tour I am happier. I don't think 100% happiness is possible for me at this point but I can imagine at least 50% by the end of this so as long as I'm happier I don't mind. I hope that I will have a strong relationship with my brother by the end of this, we have grown apart as we have gotten older so hopefully him helping me will help us to bond. I would also like to make some new friends whilst I am on the road as I only have two friends at home and I feel like an addition of new people will help me grow. Most importantly I'd like to have written at least one full song by the end of the tour to help me progress in my song writing.
See you soon future me,
Nicky
As I put the pen down i quickly realised I was the only one left writing. The boys seemed to have finished a while ago and had all started to do other things
"You seem to have a lot of goals Nicky, we aren't on tour for that long" Luke said passing me an envelope as I folded my letter
"Well I've got a lot I'd like to change about myself. All for the better" I stated as they all smiled at me as I slid away the paper and sealed the envelope adding it to the pile of the boys ones. As soon as the envelope hit the others I stood up and climbed over Michael causing him to tut.
"Nicky if you asked I would have moved"
"Where's the fun in that Clifford" i sassed back before grabbing a mug out of the cupboard to make myself a hot chocolate. I turned to ask the boys if they wanted one and quickly decided against asking them as I saw them all listening to Michael playing some chords on his guitar as they tried to connect the pieces and add lyrics to the melody.
I sat back down next to Michael and listened as the lyrics and song slowly came to the four of them. It seemed so effortless as they formed word after word to this new song. Hearing the song and grasping the vibe they were going for I started to jot down my own lyrics and ideas as if it was my own song. As I stopped and took a sip of my hot chocolate I quickly realised they were stuck and couldn't work out the next section of the song. They all continued to sing parts of it to try spark inspiration but nothing seemed to come to mind for any of them.
"I'm going to bed guys this is stressful we're not gonna get it when we're stressed" Calum stated as they all nodded in agreement
"Good plan, night guys" Luke said following Calum into the bunks
"Nicky, Mike you coming?" Ashton asked as I shook my head and so did Michael
"Not tired" I stated as Ashton rolled his eyes
"You never are"
"I'll make sure she gets some sleep Ash" Michael said before Ashton nodded and walked off ruffling my hair before he disappeared. "You can help me with this little Irwin" Michael said as I shook my head and rolled my eyes at the new nickname
"Oh no I can't do that" I said shaking my head
"Come on I can see you're thinking something and you were writing like a crazy person so you must have an idea" he pestered as I shrugged
"Okay okay okay I have something" I surrendered as he laughed "sing the end of the chorus and I'll continue with what I think may work" I stated as he nodded
"Oh you make me complete you make me complete you make me a complete mess" he sang before I let him do a small instrumental before I began to sing over him playing the guitar
"Hang on to moments like they'll never drift away cause you'll never get to say goodbye I asked no questions as your colours take their hold as my darkness turns to gold inside" I sang before Michael stoped strumming the guitar
"Holy shit Nicky" he said as I giggled "you better have that written down. How did you do that?" He asked as I shrugged
"I dunno I guess as you guys were bickering about lyrics I just had time to try work out something alone. I just kinda went off what you guys were doing and singing" I replied as he nodded
"You're talented Irwin" he stated as I laughed
"I don't think it's that good Michael" I replied as he shook his head
"You should use the talent you have. Write your own stuff get some songs out there" he stated as I yawned
"Not my thing, I don't wanna perform"
"No one ever said you had to perform. You can write for other people, you may have just written a bit of a 5sos song" he stated as I shook my head standing up
"Just because you liked it doesn't mean the others will" I replied as he nodded
"But I'm sure they will. It's better than what any of them came up with"
"I'm going to bed" I laughed shaking my head
"Goodnight Nicky"
"Goodnight Michael"
YOU ARE READING
Despair m.c
Fanfiction"You just lay here all day and never try get up" "What else do you expect" • In which Nicky is clinically depressed and can't find a reason to be okay until Michael walks into her life and makes it his mission to keep Nicky alive.
