"I can't believe you live in here nicky" Kensie said as we walked up the right staircase of the bus
"It's really not that bad once you get used to it it's not that small" I replied "plus the boys are good company, I've been around them all most of my life anyway so I'm used to them"
"I struggle with just Colby let alone 4 boys in a small space" she joked sitting down on the sofa and snuggling up to her boyfriend
As the couple got comfortable on the sofa I opened up the fridge and grabbed some drinks and snacks before joining them.
"So tell us everything" Colby said before grabbing a handful of chips out of the bowl
"Not much to tell"
"Oh come on irwin...not even the song with Michael??" Kensie followed up as I shook my head
"The song is nothing really, the boys have the tradition with notebooks they use it to write goals for tour and me and Michael did it together and ended up starting to write a song I guess"
"Look at you go you'll be a famous song writer before you know it" Colby said as I smiled at him "do you just hang out with Ashton predominantly then?" He asked as I shook my head
"Surprisingly not...it always tends to just be Michael and I which is weird as we had never really spoke before all of this" I said as they both nodded "he's so lovely tho and he always knows what to say to me he's like a little hype man helping pick me up each day"
"I think Nicky likes Michael" kensie said smirking as I shook my head
"As a friend Kensie!"
"You shouldn't lie Nicky it's not good" she joked as Colby laughed as well
"Nicky and Michael sitting in a tree" Colby started
"Are you six?" I sassed back as he put his hands up in Surrey
"That's pretty defensive and snappy for someone who doesn't have feelings" he laughed as I rolled my eyes and stood up and walked towards the games room at the back
"Come look at this" I shouted to the two of them as they followed me hoping this would help end the Michael conversation "Look let's play Mario kart" I suggested as the both nodded and I turned on the tv
We played a best of 3 each before Colby beat us both crowning himself the winner and shouting the bus down in celebration as Kensie peaked through the tour bud blinds
"I can't believe this is your life for a couple of months Nicky" she said as I nodded
Their fascination with it was sweet to me. They seemed to be so excited for me but I was still so anxious and on edge. These new places made me nervous to a new level I'd never experienced and didn't know how to manage. Let alone all of the fans and new people I'd encounter on the way. But I was doing this for me. Not for Ashton. Not for my friends. Not for anymore else but myself.
"Nicky what are you doing for dinner?" Colby asked as I shrugged my shoulders and walked to the small kitchen and opened up the cupboards admiring all the variants of noodles, soups and pasta sauces we had
"I'll probably just make some soup in all honesty I'm not that hungry...did you guys want anything?" I asked as Colby looked at Kensie
"We can't let her just have soup for dinner"
"No I know that" Kensie replied to him walking through the bus "why don't you come for dinner with us? Colby found this lovely Italian place we can go to" she said as I opened my can of soup
"Guys in fine, just go have a cute date night or something I'm not that hungry anyway it would just be a waste of money" I replied as they both shrugged at my answer "can you grab me that bowl from over there please?" I asked as Colby grabbed a glass bowl that had been sat on the table
"Are you sure you're going to be okay alone?" Kensie asked as I nodded
"Yes please stop fussing. If I need anything the boys are in a building full of security guards I will just ask them for help" I said placing the soup on the bowl before putting it in the microwave "now go"
"Call us if you need us Nicky" Colby said as I ushered them out of the bus before going back to the microwave.
As I stood and watched my soup go round and start to warm up all I could think of was what Kensie had said about Michael and I and me having feelings. Yes I have known the guy for basically my whole life but there was no way there were romantic feelings for him he was just a friend who I knew I could trust. If feelings got in the way of that then I would loose my new friend.
My thoughts were suddenly distracted by the beeping sound of the microwave letting me know my soup was ready. I quickly opened the door and grabbed the glass dish without thinking about how hot it would be. As quickly as I grabbed it I dropped the bowl all over the kitchen side letting glass shatter and hot liquid to fly everywhere. Suddenly there was a sharp pain in my arm causing me to look down. There was a cut. A fresh cut from the glass. I was bleeding.
Panic mode set in and the room started to spin as all I could fixate on was my blood dripping down my arm. I was bleeding. I'd cut myself. There was blood. The room was spinning faster and the light was getting dimmer with every single thought I had. I slowly tried to compose myself before my legs started to feel like jelly. There was nothing I could do to stop this. I was going to pass out. Someone was going to find me on the tour bus floor.
YOU ARE READING
Despair m.c
Fanfiction"You just lay here all day and never try get up" "What else do you expect" • In which Nicky is clinically depressed and can't find a reason to be okay until Michael walks into her life and makes it his mission to keep Nicky alive.
