Theres a voice in my head
There is a voice in the back of my mind
People put it there
People created it and stuck it there
"You are faking it"
"Attention seeker"
"You'll never be what you want to be"
"Your parents tried so hard and made the perfect name for you, and you fucked it up"
It tells me all the things that I'm scared other people will tell me.
This voice makes me want to die but if I kill myself then I'm an attention seeker.
This voice makes every day difficult.
This voice makes me scared of going to school, thinking that people are going to point out something about me that I dont like.
This voice makes me think that other people are going to say things I dont like.
This voice is the part of me that is actually at its breaking point.
This voice is ready to give up everything just to fit in, just so people stop feeding it.
This voice overthinks everything thats said to me and makes it negative.
This voice is what I'm afraid of.
This voice, its my deepest, darkest fear.
This voice that I cant get out of my head, I dont know if its just me or if other people created it, but it terrifies me.
This voice... I cant quite describe it
30/5/2022
That voice is talking to me right now
"Everything would be so much easier if you were cis"
"Just give in already, we're both tired and you know it"
That voice follows me everywhere, its like a shadow, but its even there when the sun isnt out.
That voice hurts me more than anyone else ever could, more than anyone else ever has.
That voice, its my worst nightmare
That voice that follows me everywhere and hurts me so much, its just me judging myself, isnt it?
No, but, the bullies, they made it, they pointed out things that I thought were fine before, but now because they pointed it out, I hate them.
No, it isnt me, its them. Its always been them. They ruined everything, they have ruined everything that I ever loved.
As soon as I mentioned I had imaginary pets
"Omg what are you 4?" No, I was 6.
As soon as I started making snow forts
They stomped the fort down
As soon as I started learning abt lgbtq+
"Omg gay" "go kys" "fag" "GAEE"
As soon as I started liking anime
"Omg do u watch hentai?"
As soon as I start finding comfort in music
"Omg is it anime? If its not then its gay"
Anything they find out something about me, as soon as they find out something they didnt know, I cant tell anyone anything, in fear they are going to find out.
They have ruined everything for me, I've lost interest in so many things because these little assholes find out and then ruin it.
They have ruined all of my favourite things.
31/5/2022
That little stupid fucking voice
If you put this voice into other peoples head, you are the lowest of low.
You can have popularity
You can fit in all you want
You can continue
But you are the lowest of low.
The worst people on this planet, it's them.
