Life's Instruction Book

Chapter 3: The Tears Won't Fall

3 days after the incident...

It was only 3 days ago when I, with my own eyes saw my mother's life being taken. However, I felt that a long time has passed. The time doesn't move, I'm still stuck on the scenery I saw that day.

Yes, it was white..and bright red.

As long as I can remember, my father, the Duke came to save us but it was too late and my Mom has lost too much blood.

I wonder, was what he was doing that made him come late?

Although, it was such a painful event. Noble society couldn't care less, it was the center of gossips. The sorrow that I felt adding the pressure of the nobility kept me nervous all the day.

This is the truth of this empire, having power is being powerless at the same time. Show even an inch of your emotion and people will take advantage of you.

" That's the young lady, isn't it? "

" I heard her mother died protecting her. "

" Shouldn't she cry then? Aren't she her mother? What with the indifference? "

" There's a rumor that the lady and her mother didn't have a great relationship, she must've wanted her to die. "

" What?! That's ridiculous! Aren't they family? "

" Shhh! Someone might hear you. "

In contrary, they are letting me hear all of this on purpose. Once, I, the daughter of the Duke is affected they'll have one less powerful enemy in being the flower of the nobility.

This event is really painful, indeed. Everytime I reminisce the scenes I saw that day, I can't help to regret that I could've done better.

What will happen to my family now?

I always wanted to make my family closer but that doesn't seem to come true in the current situation. What will happen if father will leave me someday too?

What will happen to me?

As I was lost in deep thoughts I came back to my room.

----

Unexpectedly, after all the hours I have spent looking at the ceiling, I can't fall asleep. My eyes won't seem to close, and all I feel is this suffocating air around me.

I have to go to father.

I opened the door of my room as the darkness embraces my body. I took each step carefully, as quiet as stone so no one will hear me walking in the middle of the night.

I should probably go to Father's office first. At this time he is normally still doing work as usual.

As I got closer to Duke's Office I can feel the cold breeze inside the mansion.

I'm scared...I'm scared of darkness...I need to go in the office as soon as possible...

I put my hands on the doorknob and prepared to open the door. It was an inch open when I heard two people talking on the other side. The voices was surely from my Father and the Commander of Knights.

" We have to get her in to the mansion as soon as possible. " my father spoke.

" But, Your Grace this is not the best time to be doing such matters.  The funeral just ended, we have to wait for a few more weeks. " the commander replied.

" Are you telling me to delay letting my own daughter live on the house where she belongs? " he spoked in agitated tone.

Daughter? I was surprised to hear their conversation because I knew that in the lifetime I spent here, I'm the only young lady of this house.

" I spent a long time searching for her and now... " his tone weakens as he remembers something unacceptable.

" now that she is within my grasp, she's right in front of me. The kid who lived cruelly on the outskirts, living the life she didn't deserve, you, you're telling me to let her endure it a little bit more?" there was authority in his words, but more than anyone a person who knows my father best would notice that he speaks like that because it's something special.

" Well then, I would make the arrangements your grace. Please rest your heart, I will make sure to bring her here safely. " The commender turned his back as he prepared to leave.

The standing duke slowly regained his composure and fixed his tie.

" As you should, afterall she is the Duke and Lady Agapius. " the duke left his final message.

The commander slowly made his way out of the door and I quickly hid behind a vase to remove my presence.

As I realize the commander was gone, my knees weakened.

How did this happen? When was it? Who was her?

I have a lot of questions in my mind that I know, myself will remain unanswered unless a miracle happens.

I was the only young miss of this house, I did everything I could to sustain my reputation and my position. I did eveything to be worthy of my Family's name.

Who was her? Why do father cares so much about her that he didn't even bother that the family's reputation might be tarnished.

I always knew my mother was the only wife my father had. Lady Agapius, she is certainly my father's lover behind my mother's back.

I was weakened by such thoughts.

It hasn't even been a week since mother died, and I just discovered my father committed adultery.

I have always read stories like these in newspapers. I never knew it hurts this much to experience it. I feel so betrayed.

Nonetheless, I should treat her positively. Afterall, like me she is also a victim of these forbidden love. She never wished to be born this way.

I was about to leave when the door opened.

It was my father.

I was taken aback when I saw him standing right in front of me. After all that I heard, how should I react?

I stared at him nervously, forcing my self to utter words.

" F-Father, I-I hope you ha---" my words were cut when he walked past through me.

I smiled in bitterness.

I know it very well, but why do I still try?

Why can't I just give up?

As I watched his back go further and further away from me, I spoke words that will never reach him.

" Please have a good night, and don't stress yourself. " I bowed as a sign of respect and headed back to my room.

It seems I will be sleeping alone today.