Life's Instruction Book

Chapter 5: Spring

5 months later...

After what happened, I mostly spend my time on my room. Staring for hours at the window as I watched my father spend his time with his daughter.

Smiling there happily.

It has been a few months since spring has come yet to me it felt like it's still winter.

There were also times when I tried to get my Father's attention through despicable means.

As they say, hope comes with hard work.

I wounded my self with roses thorns, intentionally fall of the stairs, suffocated myself, drowned myself into the water.

Why will I do those things you might ask?

It was to make my father care for me, that even if I just happen to pass by his mind because of the incident. Even if he'll just remember my name, speak of it, hear of it. I could still be remembered as a lady of this house.

Of course doing such things also had great prices, my father found out I was intentionally injuring myself to gain his attention, in response, he changed all of my class teachers.

A lot of time has passed and yet to me it still feels like winter.

------

" My lady, it's time for your etiquette class. " my maid reminded me of my schedule.

I prepared myself for my etiquette class, I know this is going to be hard.

I sat properly, as I waited for my etiquette teacher. I can feel my hands trembling and my legs shaking because of the pressure.

The door creaked open and I heard the voice of a very familiar woman.

Lady Damascius, my etiquette teacher.

" Let's begin our etiquette class. " she said.

First, she put ten books on my head and I have to keep its balance as I walked through the ends of the room and each time I reach one end the book will increase by one.

As the trembling fear succumb to me, the books above my head shaked causing me to lose balance.

A big slap welcomed my face as my nose started to bleed.

" Didn't I tell you to maintain your composure?! How can a lady of  Magnus be this clumsy?! " she was enraged by what I did and continued to punish me with her hands.

I'm scared.

I know this always happens, and I have to get used to it. But afterall this time, it still hurts. I'm alone in this duchy and I'm also powerless, without my father's affection and another lady to compete with, I know very well that my authority is not as high as before.

Our class continued as it is, and everytime a book shakes, the back of my knees will be hit.

-----

After I finished my classes, I decided to go to the garden to calm myself. It has become a habit after having this kind of treatment.

I sat there in a corner with my face down.

Until now, I'm still thinking why is it so hard to have a happy family? I did what I could, I did the best option to make my family happy, and yet...

" Who are you? " a voice of a girl reached my ears in the middle of my sadness.

I instinctively distanced myself from her.

I knew besides me as the lady of this house, the other person would be, Lady Xamaria.

" I'm Leora! It's my first time seeing you here! How old are you? " she spoke in a friendly manner.

I didn't bother to speak, because from the moment I replied it would be irreversible. I would be attached on her, and I would fail again to satisfy father.

" Just now you looked very sad, do you need a hug? " she asked politely.

I stared at her warily, it was the first time I heard such thing from a person. I just looked at her.

" Haha, don't worry I wont bite. " she laughed carelessly.

It was such a warm feeling, seeing her smile. It was like the sunshine after the rain that brings rainbows. So this is how they felt.

I stared at her healing smile, it was very warm, enough tonlift your mood, enough to make your day better.

I, too would like to experience it.

" Try your best to stay in your room and avoid meeting Leora. "

I stepped back from the incoming embrace.

That's right, I can't.

I was stucked in between, I want to grab this oppurtunity to get closer to her but I don't want father to get mad.

Step back, didn't she stole everything from you?

A voice spoke inside my head. The worda that come from jt was nothing but pure hatred, I know it very well.

The person in front of me, has everything I ever wanted. So why can't I hate her?

" What's wrong? " she asked worriedly as she comes closer.

" Do you feel unwell? "

" Are you alright? "

" You look pale. "

Each time she spoke, she took one step forward to me from which I would always distance.

She continued asking about what I feel.

I can't have it continue like this.

" STAY AWAY! " I shouted.

She was surprised and scared, of course for such a lady who is soft hearted, to hear words like this, it would definitely scare her off.

Tears started flowing down her cheeks as she tried her best to utter words.

" W-Why are you mad? Did I do something w-wrong? " she asked.

I just glared at her coldly.

This is it, I have to do this so she doesn't get involved with me. J have to do this so father won't be dissatisfied.

I'm sorry.

She was weakened by my glare as she ran away crying.

" That's it,...please just stay away... " I turned my back as I can feel my conscience building up after making her cry.

There's no good getting involved with her, it would only make things worse.

She was like spring, she had every flower the winter lost. She is gifted, and she has everything I always needed.

I went back to my room, I know one of these days, I'll be called by father from making her cry.

But at least, he would think of me.