Two Birds

Lance's Dairy

Log: 1
A pang of hurt engulfed my chest at the mere hurtful jokes my friends made, I never showed how much they hurt me. They didn't mean to hurt me that's what friends do! They're just making jokes they don't actually think that way? .. right?

As the time passes by the weight of war on my back, Shiro has been harsher as if we weren't children in war. We never asked for this..sometimes I regret finding blue, I regret ever following them or trying to save Shiro. I couldn't be more happier right? I'm saving the universe! The attention I get as Lover boy Lance!

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Yeah right. My routine has changed from being told I was a substitute for Keith changed! Instead I'm being told to grow up, this is war! I need to stop messing around! I'm a fucking kid! I went into Flight school to make my family proud just how Veronica did..yet I'm treated different, god I rather be told that I'm Keith's substitute, instead of how I act! How annoying I am! How I'm just a..joke

Everyone has changed..

Log: 23

Hey! It's been a while since I wrote in my dairy? Or journal? I don't really know, but everything has been tiring! Keith is back, but it's still a weird transition. Here's how everyone has been.

Hunk seems to be distant, were we ever friends? We just met at school and we're roommates I guess.. he doesn't even truly know me, if he did he wouldn't treat me like this.. I assumed he would be the only one who would defend me but he just stood back and said nothing. Not when Shiro was yelling at me, or when pidge said hurtful jokes! He even laughed!

Pidge is younger than me, I understand she's trying to find her family but staying up 24/7 isn't going to help them look for them. When I try to help them they always snap at me, just like my cousins as well younger siblings but.. pidge just does that to me, if it were Shiro she would listen..if it were hunk she would just complain but listen, even with Keith she'll listen. Why does she hate me so much?..her words hurt even if she doesn't know it.

Keith gets colder and colder as the days pass, it seems the mere thought of me puts him in a sour mood. We have an endless rivalry, yet I assumed we were getting better and actually becoming friends? Ever since he came back from the blades he's been different, sure he found out his mother is alive and is half galra, but it seems his hate for me grew so much more. I tend to stay away from him, the glare he always gives me looks like he wants to kill me..aha

Shiro..Well Shiro was my hero, I remember the days when I was just a teen looking up to him, telling my family that I'll one day become an amazing person like Shiro. Now that I've met him I can't seem to see him as my hero anymore, who wants to get yelled at by their hero 24/7? Even when it wasn't your mistake. Shiro clearly picks favorites. I can't help but feel guilty..hoping he wouldn't come back when he went missing..

Allura.. I can't say much about her, other that she hates me, and sees me as a waste of a paladin. She would go long rants about the old paladins and how I should act like the old blue paladin. Aha, act dead? I can't help but start feeling a deep hatred towards her, everyday it seems I wish not to see her face. The more I do the more I feel angry for some reason.

Coran..he's great. That's all I'll say, he's neither bad nor good. He's great when you need someone but when Allura is basically yelling at how you've done something wrong that wasn't your fault, he'll stay quiet. He won't defend you,..others would say he can't? Allura's the princess, yet princess of what exactly? Altea is gone. Sometimes I have an urge to yell back, tell her that Altea is gone, we never wanted to help her in this shitty war, she basically gaslit us on helping her. We have families of our own to protect, why protect a princess who's the princess of nothing!

I've been having thoughts of taking a pod and leaving this fucking war.

Log: 30

I left, I finally fucking left. I took a pod that pidge was working on while everyone was asleep, taking out the coms so they wouldn't track me was hard but I still did it! Now I'm in space..alone! Yet I'm so..happy, I feel free! The weight on my back is finally gone..I'm so happy that I'm crying..god I hated it there, and I'm finally free. A part of me is scared, terrified this is all a dream and I'm still back there, but no matter what I'll make due with the dream and explore everywhere! I'll help people! I don't have to be "LoverBoy Lance!" I can just be Lance McClain.

That's who I've always been..

I'm so happy right now.