Running in Circles - Lexie Grey x OC

I'm Doing Everything I Can

Cristina Yang had been idle for weeks, standing in the background and watching everyone else work, watching surgeries happen left and right while she, as others put it, had dumbed herself down into a mindless statue—as if she'd chosen to be one.

They had no idea she was trying to break free of her slump, her trauma, or whatever they wanted to call it.

Cristina had never wanted to appear frail or helpless, yet that was exactly what she'd become lately.

She tried to brush it off, like most of her friends did, and carry on as usual. She kept pushing, trying to get back to who she used to be, but every attempt ended the same way. She'd freeze. The fear and doubt clouding her mind would creep back in, and she'd become passive all over again. Every day was the same grueling cycle.

Cristina could only hope that one day she'd wake up and find herself recovered. Every morning, she expected that day to arrive.

It never did.

Keeping quiet in the background had one advantage: it allowed Cristina to observe what was happening around her.

Everyone was pretending to be okay. Everyone was one bad day away from falling apart and getting labeled bat-shit crazy, just like her.

Derek had developed a dangerous hobby involving speeding tickets and motorcycles. Meredith continued burying her trauma beneath layers of sarcasm and avoidance. Alex slept with half the nursing staff while pretending Izzie's death hadn't affected him, even though he still cried in his sleep. Jackson's nightmares and temper seemed to worsen by the day. April was all smiles and nervous laughter until she drifted off for a minute, staring into nothing with dark, empty eyes before snapping back to herself.

Eric's burgeoning messiah complex continued unchecked, with Cristina as his latest project.

And then there was Lexie.

Cristina had heard the rumours about Lexie freezing in front of an elevator, too terrified to step inside. She hadn't witnessed it herself, and nobody she trusted had confirmed it. Since Lexie appeared to be functioning normally, Cristina dismissed it as gossip.

Still, it made her pay attention.

Lexie had been shot during the shooting. One of the gunman's targets.

And yet she acted as though nothing had happened.

Richard Webber had added another AA meeting to his schedule. Derek was one reckless impulse away from another disaster. Cristina herself was barely holding it together.

Lexie, meanwhile, remained oddly calm.

She drifted from person to person like everyone's emotional life vest, patching holes and keeping people afloat.

Cristina had briefly wondered whether Lexie's relationship with Eric was a symptom of the trauma.

Then she'd laughed at herself. Please. That disaster had been inevitable.

Even back when they were stuck in their ridiculous bully-and-victim routine—something straight out of a terrible romantic comedy—they'd obviously liked each other.

Maybe Lexie was simply a well-adjusted person. Maybe Cristina was so surrounded by damaged people that she'd forgotten such people existed. Lexie seemed to have moved on. Cristina hadn't.

She was ready to abandon the theory altogether when she spotted Lexie sneaking out of Meredith's house one morning before sunrise.

Then she saw it again the next day.

And the day after that.

At first Cristina assumed Lexie was spending her nights at Eric's place. The attending had been sporting the same exhausted look lately, despite trying to hide it behind his usual smug expression.