I Love You, But (Sofia Carson/You)

Part 3

After a long talk with Ash and giving her my new address she offered to help me load up my car in the morning and take stuff over to the apartment.

Ash said that she was bringing wine, tequila and ordering Pizza in the evening and that we were going to get drunk and sing along to all the anti-love songs we could find.

I laughed at her proposition, I understood her reason for thinking that it's the type of evening I need, to just de-stress and blow off steam. But, I don't think a night of singing "Gives you hell" at the top of my lungs at 2am while drunk off tequila and pepperoni was going to make me feel any different the next day.

I drove home in complete silence, no music, no radio, just me and my thoughts.

It's a dangerous concept.

I thought about what had happened up until now, how I use to float through life, happy and probably took for granted that my life for a period of time was uncomplicated and full of love.

I had felt whole.

Compared to how I felt now it was like that was the old me and this was the new me.

I didn't like this new me.

I wanted the old me and my old life back.

But I was starting to accept that, that was never going to happen.

I pulled up onto the drive way and put the car into park. I noted that Sofia's car wasn't here. I instinctively reach for my phone to call her to see where she is and if she would like any dinner.

I hover my finger over her name in my phone before I remember.

We are not together anymore and where she is and what time she decides to come home was no business of mine.

Part of me was looking forward to moving out so that these instinctive thoughts and actions would stop. But it was like kicking an addiction, breaking a habit. They were things that I had done for so long with ease, were just suddenly brought to a halt.

I was struggling to kick my habit.

But it seems Sofia had no difficulty in stopping hers.

I pressed the button on the security gate and watched in the review how it locked behind me, before leaving my car and making my way to the main door.

I punched in the security code.

It was the date we met.

I swallowed down the rising bile in my throat and put it down to lack of food. Not from the nausea I have been experiencing this last week.

I enter and instantly I am greeted with a photo of Sofia and us on vacation last year on the side unit.

I sigh heavily and look away.

I need to get out of this place.

I make my way towards the kitchen, carrying the uneaten bento box from Ash and place it on the counter. I take in the surroundings, coffee mug on the side, a magazine on the counter with Sofia's face on there with the headline "Sofia Carsons on love, life, and her upcoming album".

I flip it over so I don't have to see her face staring at me, I take the coffee cup to the faucet and wash it, before drying it and putting it away.

Sofia never was the tidy one.

I was always the one that kept on top of the cleaning in the house, and I didn't mind.

I understood how busy her job was, and that it came before washing the dishes and cleaning the house, but I did wonder how she would manage after I was gone.