Talking With Destiny

Part Six : Skip or not to Skip

The school day ended, and after coming home I sat down on my bed. I started to cry.
James still hadn't shown up. What if he really was a dream. What if he really was just a schizophrenic thought. And I even fell for him.
If I just stopped taking my pill he would come back... Maybe I will skip it tonig-
"Get your stuff, take your pills, and get in the car." My parent interrupted my thoughts. While she's in the process of trying to take me to therapy I'm contemplating my life.
I took two pills with me but I didn't take them. I figured if they can convince me to take it, I will. Otherwise I'm gonna welcome James back. Then we will figure it out once and for all.
I hugged Dustin and he wished me to have a good time and good luck.
Then I got in the car and stared out the window as the cars passed. I wondered if any of the people in the cars had friends like me at one point. I wondered what their problems consisted of.
My mother and I drove in silence the whole way there. When I arrived I was hesitant to keep moving my feet to the entrance. But, I did.
When I got inside my room my talker (as I liked to call her) smiled.
"How are you Dakota?" She said.
"Fine." I grumbled.
"I heard about yesterday. That was quite scary, huh?" She laughed while I sat down on the bench. She rolled over in her chair with papers and a pen in her hand.
Her nails were perfectly manicured and proportional to every other nail. It irritated me.
"Yeah. It was upsetting more than that." I said.
"I'm sorry to hear that. So, I heard you're taking new medicine. How is that working for you?" She asked. Her brown hair only reached her shoulders.
"I didn't see James today." I said. My hands rubbed tighter and tighter uncomfortably.
"James is just your consciousness. The reason he's so perfect, Dakota, is because you're trying to place him as your missing father."
"No. You have no right to bring up my father. He's a drug addict and alcoholic. Please don't ever say that.. again." I said trying not to sound rude.
"Okay..." she wrote something down, I assume a note to self and continued. "but realize he's your made up consciousness put into a person to make yourself safe. This is perfectly normal for a schizophrenic."
"Thanks. It's only normal for a freak." tears welled up into my eyes and I felt like gripping my old habit with a blade.
"No you're not a freak. You're a human." She tried to make it better but I understood how I was.
"Yeah. A human freak." I said. "That's why I have to take medicine. To pretend I'm normal." I sniffled.
"You've got it all wrong. You've got a gift. You see a best friend. A lover or a relative. That's a gift. To have a friend. Yeah he may not be real, but it's a gift." She said.
"If it is a gift why is it such a priority to get rid of him? That's not a gift it's a curse. You wouldn't know." I spat.
I looked at my nails and they had grime under them and they were broken in several places. She's never touched dirt. Literally. I gritted my teeth.
She seemed a bit a taken back. "I guess not personally, no I don't know what it's like. But it's my job to learn about it as much as I can. So I'm not stupid, miss Dakota."
I'd like to beg a differ. I thought.
"Okay." I shut myself up. Let her ask questions before you explode on her.
"Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?"
"Oh? Did you hear about my mom?" I asked. I placed a fake smile on my mouth. "How they excused her for slapping me?"
"Um. That's not my business to snoop. All I see is her genuine care for a girl who's troubled and confused." She said.
"Have you seen Donnie Darko?" Might as well ask.
"Yes I have." She said.
"I think you're the fuc-"
"Please don't use that language in here." She placed her hands In her lap with the clipboard.
I put my head down and kicked my feet.
"I don't want to be in here anymore." I said.
...
She let me go eventually after I refused to talk anymore.
___________________________________
My mother and I got into the car and she pulled out a cigarette.
"Can I have a smoke mom?" I asked.
She looked at with me with disgust. Her hands were shaking.
"Why are you shaking? Are you scared of having a child like me?" I asked. I was being serious. I wanted to know.
"No. Having a child who's scared is worse." With her saying this we drove off and never said another word.
___________________________________
I got home and pulled out my pad of thoughts and went to writing. All my thoughts spilled onto the page and it looked like hell.
I set the pen down and looked to my ceiling where I had the sticker saying, "Don't walk the edge without a parachute."
When I returned to look down I saw a faint figure and words on the pad. It said, "Skip the pills Dakota."
I looked up to the figure and it was slowly becoming clearer. For sure it was James. How is he here? It's 10 o'clock in the morning for him because it's 10 here. I blinked again and he was gone. What the hell. I guess I am crazy.
Maybe if I tell him that I didn't want to skip my pill then my brain (because he's a hallucination created by my brain) will finally accept it.
Or maybe I'll just skip and see him to help me.
Skip or not to skip?