Talking With Destiny

Part Nine : Issues.

"You're not apart of the problem James." I whispered. "You never were."
"You can't just think about me as such an innocent person in this situation, Dakota, if you didn't see me you'd be able to be okay with being alive."
"James, if I didn't see you id be able to be okay with being dead." I couldn't hold it anymore my tears were boiling hot and again streaming down my cheeks. "James, I tried taking the pills. It was terrible without you. I felt lost James. You're meant to be here there's a reason you're here. You've got to believe that, don't you?..."
It was silent for a second.
"James! Don't you?"
"Take the pills Dakota." He started  getting up and I saw the tears coming down his face faster than mine.
"I'm supposed to take it in the morning." I told him.
He opened my door, and turned to face me.
"I'm sorry." He choked.
"I love you!" I yelled in hysterics of crying screaming and clutching my blanket. Do I dare chase him?
He never answered... But I took my pills. I locked my door, And that night I slept. I really slept.
___________________________________

Thursday morning, and my head was slamming pain into me like no tomorrow.
No sign of James and I felt my heart crumble to pieces.
Whatever. He didn't love me. He wasn't real. I'm not a freak anymore.
I couldn't tell if I was angry or if I truly thought this, but everything felt hazy under these drugs. It was like I wasn't even myself.
I couldn't handle it, everything I did or thought seemed unnatural. I constantly second guessed myself wondering if these damned pills persuaded my thoughts. I couldn't handle that I couldn't handle myself.
I changed my clothes and got ready to leave. I put the box that I call my B-box into my back pack, knowing that today was a train wreck waiting to happen.
I heard Dustin outside my door.
"Will you let me in please?" He murmured.
I unlocked my door pushing my hair behind my ears and looking at the ground. 
"What do you want Dustin?" I asked.
"I wanted to apologize. I never meant to get you hurt."
I looked up exposing my bruised neck.
"Well too late and now both of us are going to suffer from the consequences of this." I waited a minute before saying, "good luck when we get out of this. But for now unless you've got something to put forward instead of getting us punished then get the fuck out of my way."
I guess the police won't need any DNA when convicting Nick. His fingerprints are already tattooed on my neck in purple and blue.
What a prick.
At least I'll get out of this hell hole and finally get somewhere I feel safer.
I put my Chapstick in the corner pocket in my backpack and started to head out the door.
But before I got there, my mom was still slumped over the arm of the couch.
She made a hostile threat toward me and I stopped and turned to her.
"Where do you think you're going?" She rasped.
"School?!" I said.
"Not today. I don't think so."
"Why not?!" I screamed.
"Because you've got god damned bruises on your neck and you're gonna get us in trouble."
"That's your fault if you ever just for once acted like a mother then maybe you wouldn't have to worry about getting in trouble!!!" I screamed and picked up a vase and threw it into the kitchen causing the glass to go everywhere and Dustin came running out.
"Shit," he murmured. "Calm down Dakota."
"HAHA! wouldn't it be you to tell me to calm down. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED THIS." Then I eyed him and pointed my finger his way, disgusted that he would say such a thing. And with goose bumps raising with heated anger, I seethed, "you're a dirtbag, just like... Nick."
He looked so hurt and for once I felt no guilt. Only anger. And I walked the door and slammed it behind me.
I walked down to the local river and sat at the edge. After hearing commotion and fearing that id be caught, I went to the tunnel that had connected the two rivers under a bridge and sat down. My back pack sat in one of the tunnel ridges and I just let myself sink into the water. I cried and cried getting heavier and heavier In my head.
What I should do is run to the police. Tell them everything that happened, tell them I'm crazy but it's too late by now. I have my B-Box and I'd get in trouble carrying this f-ing thing around.
I unzipped my back pack, grabbed the damned box and opened it.
The silver gleamed at me in its case and I was tempted to grab it. I wanted to make everything disappear.
Slowly, slowly, slowly, then all at once. What a concept. You get whisked away to the unknown black, maybe white, swatches of colors, blues and purples like bruises, maybe reds and pinks, flames dancing, as the under-world carries you to its own freak show.
But I let the box drop. The silver blade twinkled at me as it slowly fell down stream. Then I feel to my knees, feeling light headed I rested upon the siding of the tunnel. Who on earth could carry this weight?
Not me. That's for sure.