Loud footsteps thunder across a polished floor, two beautiful business men making their way across a long hallway. These guys are actually 10 years old, but there is no minimum age to be an entrepreneur. Success can come at any age, along with billions of dollars.
Eric Cartman had always dreamed of being on the show Shark Tank. To meet these rich people who seemingly just sit in chairs and judge products all day long. An even bigger dream of his was to be a shark, but maybe just getting money from them would be enough. And getting money from them would be easy enough, you just show them whatever you made and then get a bunch of money in exchange for some weird percentage thing that Eric never bothered to learn the meaning of.
His companion in the presentation, and the main help of the product, was Leopold "Butters" Stotch. But no one will ever need to now his full name, because the important person here is Eric. Only Eric, who will soon be incredibly rich!
4 Sharks sit on uncomfortable looking chairs, each of them holding some kind of journal thing in their lap. They watch as the two young boys enter the room, the silly little jingle following their entrance. The only object in the room is a fancy looking carpet and a nice looking stool. At least, they looked incredibly expensive to Eric. That's why he picked them out. The key to becoming rich is pretending that you're already rich, and insisting on living a 'rich' lifestyle. You will always win that way, Eric is sure of it.
"Hello, Sharks," Eric greets warmly, but also professional, "I am Eric T. Cartman, and this is my companion Butters. We're ever so pleased to be here with you today!"
"Good afternoon, Eric," The first Shark returns, "Now... what is your product today? I don't see much of a setup..." He gestures his hands forward, clearly referencing the very empty room. Eric nods his head in response, "Ah, yes. My product is incredibly simple, yet initiative. I think my revolutionary idea will truly stun you, so please just listen to what I have to say."
Leopold says nothing and watches Eric talk to the Sharks as he readjusts his cyan necktie for what seems to be the millionth time today. His regular spiky hair was slicked back so that he could look nice, but Eric said he didn't need it. Leopold wasn't sure if this was Eric's way of saying he looked nice enough, or if he just wasn't important enough to spend time presenting neatly. It was probably the latter.
Eric sits on the stool, crossing his ankles. He makes sure to not ruin his pants, because he made sure his mom ironed it for a long while to remove every wrinkle that could've possibly appeared, "For this product I am asking for one billion dollars in exchange for two percent," He stares intently, his hands placed in front of him as he awaits a response.
"One billion dollars...?" The fourth Shark whispers exasperated. No one hears her except the cameras. The Sharks are left biting their tongues, not sure how to crush this child's dreams.
The third Shark was slightly slouching, but sits up for this one, "Uh, kid..." He starts, "To put it simply; none of us have a billion dollars at the moment... And that's just the first of the many problems that come with your request."
"What problems?" Eric asks in confusion. Leopold readjusts his tie once again, "Aw, gee, Eric, I told you it was too much-" "SHUT UP BUTTERS NOBODY ASKED YOU!" "Oh, hamburgers..." Leopold murmurs to himself. When Eric notices the shocked faces of the Sharks, he quickly regains his composure, "Er, sorry, Butters. I'm just stressed... about the current situation. I don't like to be denied," He says the last part while eyeing the Sharks.
"How about you lower the amount, and raise the shared percentage? I believe your presentation would be a lot more successful if you did so," Shark 3 continues. Eric stands back up from the stool, "Like... what?" He didn't quite understand why they couldn't just all chip in and give him a billion dollars, but whatever.
"How about you try one-hundred thousand for twenty percent? That seems like a good starting place, it could really kick off your business, especially at a young age." "So you're giving me one hundred thousand?" "No, no, I'm saying you should request that amount." "You're saying I should request it because it's something you're more likely to accept that amount?" "No I-"
Shark 3 sighs shortly, "How did... How did you even get this far? I mean, pardon me, but how did you get accepted onto the show...? Where are your parents?" Eric shakes his head, "Okay, never mind that. Let's move on. I'll do that thing you said, that amount. Let's just move on, shall we?"
He wipes his hands down his suit top, smoothing it out. Leopold rubs his knuckles together nervously as Eric begins to pace slowly, "Sharks, I want you to behold your eyes upon my fantastic idea," Leopold steps forward, "A personal ass scratcher."
Eric stands on the stool and leans forward slightly, "Butters, scratch my ass," Leopold walks behind Eric, but he's interrupted before the presentation can be shown, "Okay, okay," Shark 1 says, "I think we understand the concept that you're trying to go with. May you... answer a few questions of ours?"
Eric steps down immediately. The two boys stand side by side, awaiting their questions.
Shark 4 has her head in her hands as she thinks. Shark 3 is slouching once again and simply stares at the specimens in front of him. Shark 1 looks around to see if anyone is going to start. Shark 2 takes it upon himself, "Uh, yes, I think I have something to say, first. Is this a company that hires other people...? And would these people just stand around your house all day, until you needed assistance. Am I like... an 'owner' of this person? Am I responsible for them?"
Eric shakes his head, "The answer is 'no' to all of those questions. It's only Butters. Butters does everything. Whoever pays for his services will call him over and he'll run as fast as he can," He explains.
"What if it's someone out of town... Overseas, maybe?" Shark 1 questions, "Butters will be there," Eric assures. Leopold nods his head violently, "Yessiri! I'll be there before you even know it."
Ignoring the supposed promise of teleportation, the whole thing didn't look very promising at all.
"We're sorry boys but-" Eric cuts Shark 4 off, "No, we're sorry. Lady and gentlemen, me and Butters are no longer interested in doing business with you," He says whilst picking up his stool, "We're not?" Leopold asks in confusion. Eric shakes his head, "No, not at all. People who want, to be rich, and are passionate about their dreams, cannot surround themselves with people like this. I'm already cutting it close by letting you work with me, Butters."
And with that the two boys turn, heading out the big doors. Who knows what's at the other end of that hallway. I sure don't. If anyone actually knows lmk. Is there a whole rest to the building? Or is it just one room where they look at products. Surely there's a waiting room or something idk.
Anyways, the Sharks stare in shock as they leave. But they're all slightly relieved to finally have him gone. Shark 3 says one last thing before the cameras cut, "No, seriously. How did we allow those guys on the show?"
