Suicide Buddies

Shortcake Showers : A Mini Cake Recipe

(ty for readin, tap the star if u do so desire)












My little brother sat next to me, legs kicking, face faceless. He said, "Where is the beast?"

The sky was pink. The floors were wood. The banisters were high. I was young. He was younger. There were so many stairs to nowhere.

I kicked my legs over the edge. "Talk to it and find out."

"Go west," he said, and giggled high in his throat, which was no longer blue and no longer still. "Aren't you worried? I'm so worried."

I wrapped an arm around his small shoulders. "Don't be scared. It's not here."

"Yes. Oh yes. Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes," he sang. "I know where it goes."

"What?"

"Tie your shoes, you'll trip. You'll trip right down those." He pointed at the endless stairs, laughing a murky laugh. "Go south!"

I held my ears. The stairs kept going. The banisters stretched. The house was full of black wood and my voice and my brother's ghost.

"I can't!" I screeched. "I can't!"

"Yes, yes, yes, oh yes."

"Angel."

I opened my eyes. My mother sat at the bottom of the steps, waving a fork at me and stabbing it in the air. "Stop screaming. You're so loud. Where's the beast?"

The sky was a rancid, rotting green.

My little brother hugged me from behind. "I hate stairs. No stairs forever. Stairs are where the beast is. Appa said it. Appa did his homework, page twenty two."

"Stop," I breathed.

"Stop," my mother sighed. "You never stop. Come down and eat, Angel."

I got up, but my brother stood before me, jumping off the ledge before my mother. She patted his head. She never looked at me.

My little brother said, "Smells good."

I watched them descend down the stairs into the nothingness. My fingers curled around my throat as I tried to breathe. But no oxygen came. My hands went as blue as my neck. Iron foamed in my mouth. The house closed tighter, tighter, tighter.

I fell against the stairs with my little brother in my body, and me walking away.

____________________________

Haru and I did not talk about Seattle.

We talked about:

"You want some coffee?" I asked.

Haru said, "Sure."

"Latte?"

"Just black."

"Okay."

And:

"Here." I handed him an egg McMuffin. "While it's warm."

"But you...?" he asked.

I buckled my seatbelt and shrugged. The windows rolled down to let the autumn fly through.

"Not hungry," I said.

We turned out into the road.

And:

"Did you sleep?" he asked. Well wasn't even worth adding.

I switched to the left lane. "No," I said, clipped.