Little Hate (M. Clifford Smut FF)

Chapter 15

I'm about to go crazy if the doctors keep passing by me not telling me anything about Michael. I need to know he's fine. He went into the surgery like 30 minutes ago and it's killing me.

Both Karen and my dad are here with me and it drives me crazy because it makes me realize more that he's still my brother ... and it will never work... a possible relationship ... is not possible.

I just sit in the waiting room stressing around biting my nails. I guess that's why it's called the waiting room ...because you just sit and wait for some miracle to happen.
**
After pacing and pacing I see a doctor coming our way.
"Mrs Clifford?" The doctor says going to Karen. "Yeah." She replies worried standing up.
"He's stable now.. but I'm not going to lie to you. It's pretty bad. He has a broken leg, some broken ribs and he needs a kidney transplant as soon as possible." He finishes saying and I start blaming myself.

If I just said yes, he wouldn't be in this situation. He would be with me now probably f.ucking the shit out of me. Damn why didn't I say yes.
"Ok ... when will he receive a kidney ?" Karen asks.
"Well considering he's AB(IV) positive, not so soon. I'm sorry, we did everything we could. He needs a transplant soon, I don't know how much time he has."
"Can I see him?" I ask shocked at the fact that he might not live.

The doctor looks at me and then at Karen and my dad.
"Only family can right now." He says, he probably thinks I'm he's girlfriend.
"I'm his sisister." I state my voice cracking. This sounded so wrong. I don't want to be his sister, I want to be he's girl.
"Ok. Then follow me." Karen and my dad also follow him and we all enter in a room. He's laying there with he's leg hanging to a white bandage.

He looks so messed up. Karen goes to him and slowly takes his hand in hers, my dad kissing her head slowly comforting her.
She cries into my dad's chest and I'm standing still, unable to do anything.
My dad looks at me and I gulp holding my tears in.

I just want to stay with him alone, but I know Karen won't move away from her only son, so I just run away. I can't see him like that and not do anything.
I go to the chapel that's in that hospital and just sit there letting my tears flow.
"Look God ...I know me and You were not in good terms and I know I hated him and last year I would've probably wanted him dead ...but ... please don't take him away from me.. please ..just ... let him live, ok? I promise I'll be a better person just let him live. I can't live without him... he's all I ever wanted. Don't take away from me the one person that was never mine... please." I let my tears stream down my cheeks standing there alone.

My heart is shattered in billion pieces laying on the floor. I stay in that chapel for a couple of hours and then decide to go to see him again.
Karen is still there pretending to be fine, but I know she's as broken as I am right now.

"Hey. How is he?" I ask her approaching his bed. "Same." She replies caressing his hand.
"Can I-? ...Can I stay with him please? " I ask her and she nods. "Alone ..?" I add quickly and she sighs. "Ok ... I'll be outside. " she says standing up and I nod thanking her.

After she closes the door I let the silence be filled by my thoughts.
I go closer to him and just look at his features leaning slowly to kiss his cheek.
"I don't know if you hear me .. but... I love you Michael and I'm sorry... this is my fault... I don't know what to do without you so if you can please just wake up and tell me everything is gonna be alright ..or just open your eyes ...that would be enough. I just want to know you're fine." I take his hand and then lean to kiss his lips.
"Just move a finger if you hear me babe." I whisper looking at his hands searching desperately needed for some kind of sign.

Then I hear it. The sound that gave my heart a stroke and made my ears bleed. Thr sound I never wanted to hear. The long and irritating sound of his heartbeat stopping. I looked shoked at the door and see his mom and a nurse running in.