"Nicky, you can't have some knight in shining armour promising to save you. You have to save yourself. You have to choose to recover and choose to get better. You have to accept your anorexia. You have to fight for your recovery. You have to love yo...
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask Nicky at school before the kids get here. It is Tuesday morning, and Nicky never texted me back yesterday. Which is weird for her. She always answers me. I am worried about her.
"Yeah. I am good." She nods and smiles, but I know it's a fake smile.
"Come on, Star. Tell me what is really going on." I ask her. It has to be terrible for her not to talk to me about it. I mean, she hasn't told me much about her. Just that she has a transgender brother, and her Dad is an alcoholic. I mean that's pretty personal but she must be keeping some big secret from me. But I have no idea what it is.
"I can't." She begins to cry. I move closer to her, but she says: "No, I am fine. Just leave me alone Luke." She cries and runs out of the room.
My Star wants me to leave her alone.
Damn it! I can't lose her.
I chase after her and grab her arm and walk into the storage closet with her.
"Luke-" She begins, but I say: "Listen Star, I like you. Like a lot. So even if you won't tell me what's wrong, I will NEVER leave you alone. You are my Star. I can't just leave you alone even when you are struggling. So I will always be here for you whether you like it or not." She laughs at that part.
"I can't lose you, Star; I care too much about you," I tell her.
She wipes the tears from her eyes and says: "I can't-"
I stop her and said: "You don't have to tell me what is wrong. Whenever you feel safe enough to tell me, I will be there to listen. I will always be there for you, but I will not force you to tell me something when you are not ready. So take your time, and I will be by your side, every step." I smile up at her, and she smiles back.
"Luke, you have no idea what this means to me." She smiles through her tears.
"Star, you have no idea what you mean to me." I pull her close to me. I grab her arms and hug her. I hold her as she cries. I hug her and comfort her. I know she is hurting. I know she thinks that whatever is hurting her will make me not like her, which is simply not true. I will like her no matter what. So I will just be here for her, always.
After she finishes crying, she looks up at me with tears in her eyes: "No one has ever cared for me like you have Luke."
"I will always care for you, Star. Do you want to hang out at my house tonight? We can watch tv. I can show you my dog, Buddy. We can order pizza. It will be fun." I suggest to her.
"I would love that, Luke." She smiles at me. I move closer to her with my heart beating out of my chest. I know we are here in the storage closet at work, but I have to kiss her. To show her how much I do genuinely care about her. I grab her face and lean forward and kiss her on the lips. She tastes like happiness and love that I have not felt in such a long time. I put my tongue in her mouth, and she continues to kiss me like this is the last kiss she will ever have.
After we stop kissing, I pull her close to me and hug her.
"I do like you, Star," I tell her as I hug her.
"Luke, I don't know what I would do without you." She beams up at me, and I beam at her back.
We both walk out of the storage closet, and I go back to the bathroom to rub her lipstick off my mouth.
After I wipe off her lipstick, I go back to my classroom and teach my students about American History.
After school is over, I wave goodbye to Nicky and tell her I will see her tonight.
Holy shit, Star is coming to my house. MY HOUSE! I have to get home and clean. I grab all my things and rush to my car so that I can go home.
I get to my house and greet Buddy at the door. "Hey Bud, now I am having a girl over. So you be nice to her." He smiles and wags his tail.
I turn on some music and start cleaning.
I decided to shower before she came over. I washed my hair and body from head to toe. I choice to wear blue jeans with a nice blue button-up shirt. I brush my dark straight brown hair and try to make it look nice.
I decided to cook for Star, cheese ravioli with meat sauce because it's her favorite. I also got out the wine glasses and some wine. I know she doesn't drink, and I don't drink much either, but I got it out just in case she wants to. But I also have Dr. Pepper which I know is her favorite.
"You be good, Budd," I tell him, and he smiles and wags his tail.
I like her, should I ask her to be my girlfriend? Is it too soon? I want to kiss her again. What if she wants sex? I have thought about having sex with her, but I only want to have sex with her if she wants to. I would never force anyone to have sex if they don't want to; that's rape. And anyone who says otherwise is a liar. You must always ask her for consent because I never want to hurt her or force her to do something she doesn't like.
I hear a knock at my door.
"it's time." I smile at Buddy.
*** Hey beautiful I hope you have enjoyed this! I know writing this book has been so much fun for me💗 I hope you all have an amazing day! I love you all💗💜🥰
-xoxo Caty💗💜🥰
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