Love and Cigarettes

Chapter Sixteen

I made a vow to myself that I'd never date any of my employers or co-workers in the future. It didn't do any good. When I dated my boss in the past, I only lost both my job and my heart.

"How does it feel to work for an Alterra?"

Nilingon ko si Denise. "It's not bad. The pay is generous and the benefits are good. Like, really good."

My friends gave me a look of disappointment.

"Don't give us such a boring answer, Aria. Tinatanong ko kung may chemistry ba kayo!" inis na sambit ni Denise at inirapan ako.

"Wala."

Napailing naman silang tatlo. Palibhasa dalawa na ang anak ni Miriam at ikakasal na si Denise. Si Prisma naman, limang taon na sila ng boyfriend niya. Ako na lang ang walang partner sa buhay.

I don't think it's a big deal, but my friends are probably worried that I might age alone. Pero grabe naman sila mag-alala, twenty-nine pa lang ako!

"Look, girls." Napabuntong hininga ako bago ngumiti sa kanila. "I know you're worried about me, but I'm not really in a rush to be in a relationship. Not anymore."

Tila nalungkot naman sila sa sinabi ko.

"You've matured, Aria." mangiyak-ngiyak na komento ni Prisma. "I remember when we went to a bar once and you were dressed as a nun. That time, you were so desperate to lose your virginity."

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Don't bring that up. I was just frustrated that time, okay?"

I don't want to remember that night.

That was the first time I met him.

Hindi na rin kami nagtagal sa coffee shop dahil may kanya-kanya kaming trabaho bukas. We don't go bar hopping anymore... Hindi na kami mga dalaga at umiiwas na kami sa mga lugar na magpapagulo lang sa buhay namin.

"I've matured, huh?" bulong ko sa aking sarili habang naghihintay ng bus pauwi.

I don't think so. Rather than that, I was hurt. And people change too much when they're hurt.

After all, it's been five years.

It's been five long years ever since the incident with Lars Altaria. When I brought him to the hospital, his twin sister Lucy slapped me for what happened, saying that nothing good has happened to Lars ever since I came into his life.

Our relationship ended without any closure.

I left my secretarial job in the publication without informing any of our colleagues. Hindi na rin ako nag-abalang magpaalam kay Lars dahil ayoko na siyang makita noong mga panahong iyon. It was better that way. We were just hurting each other.

I was jobless for a while, but I still had my savings so I managed to sustain my needs for months. Literal na naubos ang ipon ko dahil nahirapan akong makahanap ng bagong trabaho.

I never returned home. I said I'd rather die.

I know my younger sister offered to fund my education, but my pride didn't let me. On what expense? Magkakaroon pa ako ng utang na loob at baka isumbat pa niya sa akin balang araw. Tapos kakampihan na naman siya ng magulang namin at ipapamukha na naman nila sa akin na wala akong silbi.

I wasn't ready to forgive them yet, so I steeled my resolve and chose to live by myself penniless.

Those days were hard. I starved. Always tired from job-hunting. I didn't even have any time to be heartbroken over Lars Altaria.

And then two years ago, I finally got a new job from a prominent company. They were looking for a secretary, and I happened to have an experience with secretarial work. So that's how I got my job.