Love and Cigarettes

Chapter Eighteen

I wanted to marry Lars Altaria.

At first, our relationship was strictly professional, but we became comfortable with each other as time went by. In fact, we even became friends.

If we hadn't crossed the line and stayed that way, would things have been much better for us?

"Madalas ba 'tong mangyari?"

Napalingon ako kay Sir Alex na katabi ko sa loob ng kotse. He must be referring to my panic attack.

"Only when there's glass breaking around me." matamlay kong sagot. "The sound triggers it."

"I see. I'll take note of that." aniya at kinuha ang phone niya at tsaka may tinawagan. "Hello, Ken? Get rid of any glass in my office. Do it asap."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Nagkatinginan kami ni Sir Alex pero mabilis din siyang umiwas sa akin.

"Anything but plastic, please. We want to be nature-friendly as much as possible so no." Sir Alex politely remarked then eyed me. "No plastic with the stuff, okay? Go for marble or wood."

The anxiety I felt was replaced with a warm feeling akin to gratitude. Sir Alex is such a kind person... so kind that it reminds me of him.

Sabay kaming bumaba mula sa kotse nang makarating kami sa apartment ko. Bagama't katabi ko si Sir Alex ay hindi ako makatingin sa kanya. I was ashamed of what happened tonight.

He saw me on my knees, after all.

"You've been through a lot, Aria."

I flinched at his words.

"But don't do that again. Whatever happens, unless you're in bed with proper consent... No man can make you kneel before him, hmm?"

My eyes watered with tears. "Pervert."

He simply responded with a small smile.

His kindness had me crying.

I told myself that I'm willing to grovel in front of Sir Lars if it would make him feel better... but it made me feel so small while doing it for him.

I didn't expect love to be this hard, I didn't expect it to be this demanding, that it would make you give up all your pride and get you on your knees.

Ayoko ng ganitong klase ng pagmamahal.

Habang umiiyak ako, nanatiling nakatayo at walang imik si Sir Alex sa tabi ko. Napansin ko ang pag-angat ng mga kamay niya, tila gusto akong hawakan, pero nagpigil siya at nagpamulsa.

Perhaps he didn't want to touch me carelessly. So instead of holding me, Sir Alex opted to stay by my side as he listened to my sobs. His eyes were closed as he patiently waited for my cries to die.

And I appreciated it. So much.

Because no words were enough to alleviate the pain in my chest. Rather than words masked with fake positivity, I'd rather take this silence.

"Done?" Sir Alex asked when I finally stopped.

Tipid naman akong tumango.

"Do you want anything?" My boss queried in a soothing voice. "Tell me anything you want."

"What if I say I want the stars, Sir?" biro ko.

"In that case, you will have to be contented with these two." Sir Alex pointed his eyes. "Since they twinkle whenever I see you. Fair enough, Aria?"

I couldn't help but smile. That was smooth.

"Iba na lang, Sir. Huwag ka na sa akin." bulong ko at ngumiti nang malungkot sa kanya. "Nakita mo naman, 'di ba? Malalim 'yong sugat ko at hindi pa naghihilom. Pero salamat sa pag-hanga sa akin."