Love and Cigarettes

The Beginning

Have you ever felt so lost and hopeless in life? That no matter how hard you try, it just feels like the entire universe is conspiring against you and there's nothing to be done anymore.

"Why the fuck are you wearing a nun costume, Aria?"

I gestured my friends to keep quiet. Hindi naman maipinta ang mga mukha nila at halatang nawindang sila sa hitsura ko. I was the last one to arrive in the club where we had decided to meet. Oh, it was such a dramatic entrance. I loved it.

"Girl, you don't go clubbing in that outfit." nakasimangot na komento ng kaibigan kong si Denise. "Seriously, that's so blasphemous!"

"And disrespectful." dugtong naman ni Prisma.

"Plus stupid." sambit naman ng huli na si Miriam.

Ipinagdikit ko ang aking mga palad. "Chill, girls. I won't drink."

They shot me a horrified look. "That's not the point, you idiot!"

"Hear me out, okay? My announcement has something to do with it. I just had to wear this tonight!" depensa ko sa kanila.

"Oh, my poor Aria." Miriam shook her head in pity. "It must be frustrating to be a virgin at your age. I understand, but please control yourself."

Uminit naman ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. Hindi naman niya kailangan ipamukha sa akin iyon! Ang panget ng ugali.

"I gathered the three of you here to because I have an announcement to make." I proudly remarked with my chin up. "I've decided to become a woman of the cloth!"

Nagkatinginan naman silang tatlo at kalauna'y sabay-sabay ring napailing. Of course they're not taking me seriously!

"Don't be stupid. Ni hindi mo nga kabisado ang Hail Mary." sarkastikong sambit ni Denise at inirapan ako. "Tapos balak mo pang maging madre?"

"Kinabisado ko na." I wiggled my brows. "Hail Mary, full of grace-"

"Hindi ka pwede roon, Aria. Isusuka ka ng kumbento."

I ignored them. "The Lord is with-"

Bigla akong sinabunutan ni Prisma kaya napadaing ako. "Stop right there, girl. Don't do that here. It's not funny at all."

Napayuko naman ako. 'Di ko na rin alam ang ginagawa ko.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking straight." I slumped myself on the round, glass table. "Sobrang lungkot ko lang talaga ngayong araw kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang naisip kong gawin. Bukas na bukas ay mangungumpisal ako sa simbahan, huwag kayong mag-alala."

Miriam gave me a comforting hug. "Ano bang nangyari?"

"I failed another job interview today." kwento ko at napabuga ng hangin. "Kamalas-malasang tiga-Ateneo pa iyong nakasabay ko sa pag-apply. Hayop, ang galing sumagot at halatang matalino talaga. Ang ganda pa ng credentials. Anong laban ng Catholic school ko kung saan valedictorian ako pero lima lang kaming magkaklase?"

Natawa naman si Denise sa sinabi ko kaya mabilis siyang pinandilatan ng dalawa naming kaibigan. "What? It was funny."

"Anyway, I feel so small. Buti pa kayo." puno ng hinanakit kong sabi at tsaka nilagok ang isang shot na inabot nila sa akin. "Denise is successful in her job. Prisma's getting married on September."

Nilingon ko naman si Miriam at tumingin ako sa kanyang tiyan.

"And then this bitch here is pregnant with her second baby. That means she already had sex twice! Paano naman ako? Ni hindi pa nga ako nahahalikan! Seriously, I'm getting desperate. I even ordered a dildo the other day."