Awakened

15. Get over here

You had to find Lee. You had to talk to him.

After rushing off from Julie you made a beeline for the station. The image of him nervously hovering outside the diner for you gave you hope that maybe all wasn't lost between you both. Maybe he missed you like you missed him. At the very least, maybe you could clear the air and try to be something resembling friends, no longer hastily avoiding each other's faces while in line at the grocery store.

Your talk with Julie had brought you back to those early days after Arthur. Haunted by his presence, but becoming something of a ghost of your own too – ambling around your house by yourself, living in the past - only sustained by fantasy and memory. 

You wanted to live.

Lee was on duty apparently but you couldn't find him anywhere. The station's secretary had just said he was out on patrol. He wasn't at the diner. Not at the bar. Nowhere you'd expect to find him.

As you drove towards his home you caught a glimpse of a familiar cruiser parked up at the side of the dirt road. You pulled over and rushed towards the car but he wasn't in there. He couldn't have gone far. The wind chilled your bones as you pulled your coat closer to your body and you grimaced, looking to the cruiser for sanctuary from the cold. It was unlocked so you climbed in, moving into the backseat and waiting for him to return as you took your jacket off. You weren't sure what you were going to say as you nervously waited for him, but you needed to think of something.

You didn't know it but Lee was only fifteen or so feet away having a quick piss and cigarette in the woods. He kept thinking about the bourbon bottle in his glove box, trying to stave off his cravings, knowing he was drinking earlier and earlier these days.

Losing you had done that to him. He had unravelled since the moment he left your house that night, playing the horrible events out in his head over and over. He knew he'd fucked up and he desperately wanted to talk to you, but had no idea what to say. He thought your frightened face as you sat weeping on the floor. He thought of your heart breaking when he told you the truth about Arthur. Your horror over what happened to Davey, your hurt when he implied you were a whore. You had every right to hate him and he wanted to respect your space.

Occasionally he'd wait around the diner wanting to see you but would inevitably chicken out and go back to his car. He'd even parked outside your house a few times. He'd come up with a million first lines for what he'd finally say to you, but they all evaporated on his tongue.

In short, he was a mess.

He sighed as he trudged back to his car and flopped down behind the wheel. A voice from behind him made him jump out of his skin.

"Hi" you said quietly.

Lee yelped in surprise, clumsily smashing the horn as he jumped and turned to look behind him at where the voice came from. You watched his face twist in shock, then saw him exhaling with relief when he realised it was you.

Lee's breath hitched. It was so good to see you. You looked beautiful as always. He could hardly believe you were here. He suddenly felt very nervous.

"Jesus Christ, are you tryna' fuckin' kill me?" he bellowed as he clasped a hand over his heart.

You couldn't help but laugh at the dramatic display, failing to muffle the sound as you held a hand to your mouth. Lee laughed a little too, in spite of himself.

"I wanted to talk to you" you said, more seriously now as you settled down.

"And you need to be in the back of my car to do that huh?" he mock scolded. "C'mon Crazy, come up here". He extended his hand to you.