Awakened

6. You're my best girl

Lee had gone back to the station to finish work and you had got to work cleaning yourself up. You had washed your dress which was sweaty from your time in the cell, flecked with mud from the woods and God only knows what else from yourself and Lee combined. You took a long bath, cleansing yourself of the day's deeds – not that you could wash away what you'd done.

As you sat in the bath your mind raced, wondering what this all meant, what you were going to do next. You felt guilt towards Arthur, it felt like a betrayal to do this with another man. In his house, the house he paid for and lived with you. Debasing yourself in his armchair where he had watched TV, writhing against the mouth of another man in his kitchen where he had eaten his meals.

But, Arthur was gone. He was dead. He was never coming back. Living like a nun wouldn't change that. Nothing you did would change that. It had nearly been a year now.

And he'd want you to be happy. You knew he would. He had loved you, and he wouldn't want you spending the next fifty years of your life chaste and lonely, slowly decaying in your modest home like a Knockemstiff Miss Havisham. If it had been you who died, you know you would've wanted him to meet someone new and be happy again.

Could you be happy with Lee?

Maybe.

He certainly made your body happy. It was as if he had discovered a key to your sexuality's cypher, decrypting and unlocking your secrets. You hadn't even really considered the possibility of Lee as a partner, what it would be like to have him come home to you, to cook and clean for him, to share a bed with him. In your mind you had ringfenced him as something physical only.

But maybe?

He wasn't perfect, you knew he had a penchant for booze and if rumours were to be believed then he wasn't a cop keeping on the straight and narrow. And before all this you'd had a nagging feeling about him, like something was wrong.

But he'd treated you well. Mostly. He had been rough with you, demeaned you during your trysts – you had wanted that of course, been aroused by it and bathed in it. But was he like that outside of the bedroom too? Would he disrespect you? Treat you meanly? After years of Arthur's careful affection you're not sure you could handle a man being cruel to you. Despite your stubbornness and occasionally getting carried away with your enthusiasm, you are still quite fragile underneath.

But God, imagine that type of sex for the rest of your life. The thought was dizzying, enticing. Entire weekends spent in bed with Lee, endless orgasms and exploring every sexual curiosity you had stifled with Arthur. It made your head spin.

You laughed out loud at the madness of your thought pattern, getting ahead of yourself as always. You didn't even know Lee and here you were fantasising about a life with him. This was so typically you. The man was divorced, and it was pretty rough going according to the town's whispers, he might not even want to get married again. He might be content with the bachelor life and occasional casual flings with local bored housewives to keep him satisfied. Or maybe women who charged for their services. You would bet good money that you were one of many women he'd taken out in the cruiser for non-police business.

You sighed, sinking into the bath with your eyes closed, your fingers on your temples. All you could do was ride this out and see where it went.

*

Lee couldn't get you off his mind.

He was distracted back at the station, making silly mistakes with his paperwork and losing his train of thought. He just kept thinking about the way you'd felt wrapped around him, the sound of your moans in his ears, the mischief on your face as you dripped with his cum.