Fear of Intimacy

Chapter 10...

"So you are a therapist?"

"Guess in a way I am."

Trevor and I were currently walking side by side down the beach, the bonfire to our back. We waited for the others to show for fifteen minutes, before I got a text from Josie saying she wasn't feeling good enough to come. Sydni sent me a weird vague message that I pretty sure meant her and Bryton were doing something else...something I didn't want to think about.

They left Trevor and I alone but surprisingly I didn't want to go back to my room. I was enjoying his company as we walked.

"I'm more of a counselor. I can't give medications or things like that but I give advice and help people cope with things. Like this young girl I'm helping," I rambled. "When she first came to me she was so shy, couldn't even look up at me and had no friends at school. But now she's going to the mall with some girls from school and putting herself out there. It's just...it's amazing to see."

It was the best part of my job. Seeing my patients overcome the things that bring them to me. Watching them grow into better people. 

"She sounds lucky to have you."

"It's all her. I just help lead her in the right direction."

"No take the credit. It's because of you she's doing so well." For some reason his words made my heart squeeze tightly in my chest. "It sounds like you picked the right career."

"Yeah tell that to my parents." I scoffed.

"They don't approve?" I could feel his eyes on me but I kept mine down on my feet squishing in the sand.

"That's an understatement. To them I should have followed in their footsteps and became a lawyer or some big wig to fit in with their friends." All through high school my parents would push me to get straight A's. To be at the top of my class so I could go to Harvard like they did. I learned quickly that they only wanted to brag to their friends about their 'golden child'.

I'll never forget the look on their faces when I told them I wasn't going to apply to Harvard and that I didn't want to follow in their footsteps. The look of disappointment on their faces was enough to almost make me take back what I said.

"You didn't want to?"

"God no." The thought of having to spend my time around people like that and kiss their ass just to stay in their good graces, made me want to throw up. I've spent enough time around them to know what its like.

"That atmosphere, the people....it's not something I enjoy. I've done it enough to hate it."

"So your parents flipped I take it."

"To say the least. Now every time we talk there's always some jab at my job. That I gave away a good future and wasted my potential." My parents actual words. That they didn't raise a daughter to be like me. "But..." I sighed, kicking at the sand. "I love my job."

No matter how hard I try to not let my parents opinion affect me it still does. Knowing they don't approve of me and my job hurts more than I'd care to admit.

"Hey." A hand on my elbow pulled me to a stop. I glanced up at Trevor who was looking at me intently. "If it makes you happy, do it. You don't need anyones approval, not even your parents. If they can't see that than fuck them."

My eyes widened at his words and the intensity of them.

"You make a difference doing what you do. Don't discredit that Tasha." My heart squeezed tightly in my chest. Josie is the only person who's ever told me my job matters. Hearing it from Trevor, hearing the conviction in his words, made tears prick the corner of my eyes.