Restless Soul

18

   Sheldon academy consisted of two restrooms per floor including two student restrooms and one dedicated to members of the staff. When the school expanded over the summer a new building dedicated to arts and the gymnasium was added, leaving the old music room to be turned into a teacher's paradise. That sanctuary, equipped with a built-in bathroom with multiple stalls and even a shower, quickly became the preferred place for educators to relieve themselves.

   Amanda knew from the one my she walked into the empty room that she'd made the right call. Above the quiet drip of the tap against the porcelain sink, Amanda's weary breaths had begun to turn into heaves. Locked in the last stall, she stared at the white squares beneath her feet, the lines coming off in swirls as her unshed tears pooled over her pupils. She blinked them away and willed her mind to focus.

Freaking out would only get her more worked up, and if the piss stain in her pants wasn't a reason enough to, at the very least, try to calm down, the spasms in her throat were a clear warning.

   For the first time since she rushed out of class did she feel the wavering fright ignited by not only what she'd seen, but the meaning behind it. Once she'd been freed by her father, she'd never doubted that he'd done the right thing. The methods used in that establishment could easily double as torture. However, one unwavering fact was the effectiveness of whatever drug she'd been administered. The voices had gone, along with the hallucinations. She had only been out of that place for two days, yet here she was now, scared out of her mind, terrorized by something sure to only be in her head.

Schizophrenia

   The word echoed in her head. Of all the things she'd been forced to listen to in her cell, her diagnosis was one that'd managed to stick. At the time, it was but an excuse for her mother's cruelty. But now, as she sat on the ground in the small stall, she made a mental note to research Dr. Fletcher's diagnosis.

   Running her fingers through her hair, she tugged at the roots, suddenly feeling hot from the confined space. She willed her body to move only to settle down on the toilet, shakily taking in a lung-filling breath as she relieved the remaining pressure on her bladder and yanked off her pants. She also got rid of her underwear, retrieving a clean pair in her period pouch.

   The damp patch in her pants looked back at her as if mocking her predicament. Amanda ignored the shivers running up her bare legs as she stood in front of the dryer, her body hyperaware of the warm wind roaring out of the wall-mounted machine. The few students that came into the room paused to question her appearance. Even the pair that came in whispering away couldn't break her focus and when a girl came up to the sink, shooting her an inquisitive look, Amanda shrugged.

"Knocked my thermos over my desk. I'm just glad I didn't bring tea this morning."

With a curt nod, the girl walked away, mumbling something inaudible over the noise of blasting hot air.

   A few minutes later, the dark blue patch was now back to its white-washed denim color. Just as she pushed a leg in, the door opened. Whoever had come in had no shame hiding their surprise, the clicking of heels stopping right when the door clicked.

"Oh my gosh, you're back."

   Amanda looked away from her zipper, taken aback to find a familiar girl staring at her both in awe, excitement, and confusion. She immediately recognized her. Peyton stood out next to anyone, however, her two best friends did have that effect by proxy, as if hanging around the shiniest gem gave them their very own glow.

Without skipping a bit, the auburn-haired girl with bright green eyes marched towards her, wonder written all over her face.

"Peyton was so worried about you. When she told us she saw your mom leaving that place... I have to be honest, I didn't think we'd ever see you again."

For the first time today, it was Amanda's turn to look confused.

"Wait, what happened?" she queried, buttoning up her pants to give Emily her full attention.

"Your friends and Peyton wanted to check that weird doctor's car at the asylum. Thing is, while they were waiting for him to leave, they saw your mom leaving instead. If you believe Kendall's word, which I highly suggest you don't due to her penchant for hyperboles, it was... creepy."

"Weird how?"

"Like, she had the "scarf around her head and giant sunglasses" look going on. Like in these movies when a rich mob gal visits her man in prison. The whole thing just looked off. That's why she told you da when he came by the school asking all sorts of questions."

The girl stopped her rant, giving Amanda the chance to at least try to process the information overload.

   This whole time she'd pondered how she'd explain her disappearing act to a girl she still sometimes struggled to wave to across a crowded room. The warmth she'd held on to at the start of her stay at the asylum had ended up smothered by uncertainty and the chastizing thoughts of having hurt the girl she loved the most with her unexplained absence. Now she knew that all wasn't lost.

   A new life began to bloom in the cold stricken tundras of her heart. Peyton had been to one to blow the whistle that set the plan in motion to set her free. The overwhelming feeling taking over her nearly had her clutching her chest. She'd known the pain of heartbreak, but this was different. As if someone had poured cement down the cracks of her shattered soul.

"Are you alright?" Emily said beside her, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"I need you to do something for me," Amanda found herself saying as she turned to face her.

"Sure, what is it?"

Amanda dug into her bag and retreated a notepad.

"My phone is out of commission for now, so could you make sure she gets this?" she queried all the while frantically writing before ripping off the paper.

Emily was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. Nodding excitedly, she took it and put it in her pocket.

   For a few seconds, she gazed up at her. Amanda was a few inches taller than Emily and personalities, they were polar opposites. When the emotions began to die down, Amanda was the first one to notice the awkwardness of their current situation.

Barely mustering a tight-lipped smile, she was about to leave when Emily spoke up, "It's fascinating."

Amanda paused mid-step, "What is?"

"Peyton is the strongest and most confident girl I know. But for that week she thought the worst had happened to you, I hardly recognized her."

   Amanda's face fell. A guilt-ridden wave washed over her spirit. The part of her she'd believed frozen for good after her mother's betrayal had thawed tremendously in the last thirty minutes, the latest information melting away more of the sheet of ice she'd been reluctant to use but in the end, served as her shield from the lashes bestowed upon her.

"I don't think I need to spell it out. Your face says it all."

Somehow Amanda managed to reciprocate her smile.

"Welcome back, Amanda."

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