PlayBoy

-Caving In-

Note from author: I used the song by Shawn Mendes, 'In My Blood' to describe the way Adrien feels. I think it's honestly a perfect example of how he feels during this chapter. His feelings are really descriptive because I've felt like this a lot lately and this song has really helped me whenever I think about 'the proposal to end it all'. Just know you're not alone if you've ever felt this way, and if you're really sensitive to this topic feel free to skip over that part of the chapter.

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Adrien laid on the cool tile floor in his bathroom. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of nothingness. Something he could never explain, a void words could never captivate. A tempting bottle of pills sat on the marble counter, challenging the blonde. All the horrible things his father had said to him before, yet nothing had stung like this.

The constant neglect he was offered from his only sense of family, and the traumatizing amount of attention he had received from people who didn't truly know him. He thoughts about this while laying there emotionless. All he ever wanted was to be enough, and he had failed tremendously. His mind teasing him with a proposal to end it all...

He didn't want to end it all, he just wanted relief.

But it was always for a brief moment, it was always temporary. So was it worth it? It all seemed meaningless... Why was it so important to him? Did it really matter in the end? Tears began to form at the brim of his eyelids, his mind tormenting him when he felt like he was about to break down again.

You're so worthless.

Why are you so sensitive?

You'll never be enough.

The pain will never stop.

Make it easier for everyone else around you...

Everyone else you've hurt.

Just get rid of yourself already.

Countless insecurities flooded through his head, mocking him. His intruding thoughts overwhelming him, each one pushing him further into his mind's proposal. Provoking him.

His mind subconsciously went to his coping mechanisms, anything he could do to make himself feel temporarily better. His old habits spreading loose, maybe a drink would help him feel better. His resources being the stash of vodka in his cabinet or the bar down the street.

He needed a distraction, perhaps a woman. Relying on a girl just as fucked up and vulnerable as himself, desperate to feel the empty space. God, would it ever get better?

A tear trickled down the side of his face, silently screaming out for help. A cry to save him... a cry to save him from himself. He felt like the walls were caving in, his insecurities came crashing down on him and there was nothing he could do about it. Thoughts toppling over him like loose bricks, he wanted to give up.

His eyes wandered to the depression pills sitting on his bathroom counter, he felt numb now. It would be ironic, overdosing on depression pills. He hadn't taken them in over a month, it seemed to make him feel worse. Like he was inhuman to rely on a medicine that clearly wasn't strong enough.

He stood up, his cheeks having streaks of tear marks when he looked at the mirror. He hated his reflection. Everything about it. Everything that reminded him of what he lost long ago, that lead to everything else that fell on top of him right after. He could erase it all, he could erase it all just right now.

He grabbed the prescription bottle, he felt like he was crawling in his skin the moment he touched it. He couldn't breathe.

What was stopping him..?

He turned towards the bluenette who offered him a weak smile. His hands traced both of her wrists, eventually lacing his fingers with hers. "I care about you too, Adrien." She whispered, and his heart began to race. She stood on the very tips of her toes, and pressed a lingering kiss against his neck. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I will always be here for you. I mean it."

A small smile slowly crept across his lips, gently squeezing her delicate hands which were much smaller than his own.

"Thank you... Marinette."

He squeezed the bottle in his hands, chucking it across the room when he realized he wasn't strong enough to do it. Or maybe he was actually strong enough to fight it. His anxiety got the best of him, shaking when he scrolled through his phone contacts. He stopped when he reached Marinette's, and paused before he clicked on it.

He didn't want to be alone...

***

"You're it for me."

Marinette jumped when her phone began to ring, looking away from Luka's sincere crystal blue orbs. She quickly reached into her purse, looking at the caller ID. A picture of Adrien's stupid attractive face on the profile picture and the contact name being Pretty Boy. Luka could've sworn he felt his heart shatter.

"I..." Marinette stuttered, the rest of the room silent besides the consistent ringing of her phone. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the promise she made Adrien. That she'd always be there for him... What if he needed her right now? "I have to take this." She finished, standing up and going into the bathroom.

She answered, surprised when she didn't hear a teasing tone or him uttering a silly nickname.

"Marinette...?"

His voice broke her heart, hearing a bit of a crack when he spoke her name. "Yeah, what is it?" She asked in a soft tone, a bit concerned.

"Where are you?"

The bluenette looked to the side, "I... I'm at a friend's. What's the matter?" She asked, clutching her phone. She hated lying to him. She didn't technically lie, but it felt like it for some reason. Luka was her friend.

"I just... Would you be able to come over?" The blonde winced on the other side of the line, gripping the sides of his bathroom sink.

"Uh..." Marinette rubbed the back of her neck, uncertain. She felt like she was taking a leap of faith, but she knew she needed to be there for him. Something was clearly wrong, and she wasn't going to break her promise. "Yeah, I'll be over as fast as I can." She said, a small smile making it's way onto her lips.

"Okay, thank you..."

"Yeah, of course Adrien." The bluenette said, ending the call with that. She stepped out of the bathroom, and she felt her heart ache when she saw Luka's broken expression. "I... I have to get going now." Marinette said, not looking into his eyes otherwise she thought she might stay.

She winced when Luka stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look up at him. "Please Marinette... Stay." He said, begging her with his eyes like he knew it was a weakness to her.
"I-I can't. I have to go..." The bluenette answered, and it hurt her to know that she hurt him. "Bye, Luka."