Saved on.. 10.05.22
To: Tejasswiprakash@gmail.com
Bcc/Cc:
Subject: From where we began
Last day is here. We boarded into the bus long back. Now all the lights are off. I sat three behind you in the boys row. I couldn’t see you because you took the
window seat. Well, I think I should get used to it. The same bus, the same place. The same feelings, the same blush. The same time, the same ambience. Just that ten days ago it was a start of something beautiful but now it’s coming to the end.
Its not my feelings but the trip. The only chance to be by our side, watch you bless my eyes and hear you. My hands are typing but the light from your seat is distracting. I wonder who you are texting to right now, because I don’t think you are watching anything. Wait, what if it was your boyfriend? Nah, it could be your brother, mother, father, sister or even your neighbour’s dog. Like a creep I am just seeing you. I should look down now. Its hurts like bitch. I can’t imagine a guy next to you doing all the lovers-shit. I mean, I imagined it all with me. It was so beautiful. The thought of us, is just so dreamy and like a fairytale. Well, yeah, fairytales don’t exist, do they?
Life is so unfair. Maybe we weren’t the right person for one and other! Maybe we are the wrong strings of destinies that crossed and cut! Maybe we are the wrong arms of the clock that keep striking together but never stayed together. Or maybe we were the right people met at the wrong time.
I feel a sharp gaze on me. But I am afraid I would look up with an expectation that you’ll be looking back and then get disappointed. You make me so vulnerable. Its just not me. Its not the popular guy- macho man Karan
Kundrra anymore. I’m just this little whiny kid who lost his favourite car.
And the twist in the story is, you were
never mine. That’s it. I’m going to cry. I sound so useless, and hopeless. Urgh, the fucking oxytocin is just throbbing in my veins. And I should better get dopamin deficient. Or I’ll end up in the psychiatry department. I want to save
myself from this misery.
Can I just unlove you
Draft Saved On 10/5/2022
***
Saved on.. 10.05.2022
To: tejasswiprakash@gmail.com
Cc/Bcc:
Subject: From Where We Began
Here comes the day I dreaded the most of. Its so disheartening that we were parting. I know its my stupid self to call this love and psht cry over it. I wish I could turn the clock and make it a day atleast longer. But what’s the use when you don’t want me near you. I tried. I tried like hell. I didn’t want pin over you. That would be very sick of me when we were never a thing on
the first place. A crush to start with then doting and now unrequited love.
What a tale. Incomplete, chaotic, distant and forgettable. Maybe in two months you’ll forget me.I mean, we have hardly talked or even sat together. If anything that would remind you of me would be my unprofessionalism, impotent doctor, impulsive as shit. What else would you know me for? I felt a heated gaze by my shoulders. Like someone was was watching me. I wanted it to be you. Somewhere I feel like I affect you. But then I am too much of a delusional
person I guess. Stuck in my fantasies. Little bubble of mine with just you and me.
A story that will take a corner in my life Suddenly I am realising I never have a picture of us. A picturised memory that I can flaunt fondly even if its not us but only me. But life has never been this polite to me. I looked back finding you. I stared for long hoping that once, atleast once you’ll turn and give me a look. One last memory. But it only burned my eyes from not blinking. It only made my heart wince and drop down to my stomach. I turned back to my phone. I’m not forgetting you. You were my first love, romantic one, like the way a woman feels for a man with the cerebral cortex involved? The goosebumps, the sudden excitation, rush of noradrenaline, the butterflies because of phenylethylamine. Its the first kind for me. I might not be the last but it will etched to my memories so strongly.
I can’t help with the hormones making me emotionally drained. But I should move on. I should chuck that little
hope out of the window because this is when every love story ends. The ending is not happily ever after but it ends somehow. I just-
How do I unlove you?
Draft Saved On 10/05/2022
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Unsent || Tejran
FanfictionHe met her for the first time. She met him for the first time. In the congested college bus, under the dusty roof, between the hazy windows, on the black aisle their eyes met. Ah, that day they believed love at first sight existed.
