Save Our Sorry Selves

Chapter 9

I was sitting in my room, avoiding Jowen and Percy as usual while they were playing video games in the basement, talking about making plans with the others, or what girls they would bang if neither of them was dating Riley or Chloe. I lay on my bed texting the group chat, making plans to get the hell out of my house.

It was an ordinary Saturday, nothing that showed the tragic events that would shortly follow. No dark sky, no rain, no silence. The earth didn't care about Percy, in fact, it couldn't care any less about any human being.

I was about to head out of the house, grabbing my car keys while tucking my phone into my new Coach purse Mom bought me with her bonus check until everything changed. 

"Hey! Hey! Percy you ok dude? You practically fell off the couch!" I heard the familiar sound of Jowen's voice. Normally, I would've dismissed whatever they talked about, but Jowen sounded genuinely concerned. I fast-walked down the stairs until I saw Jowen leaning down next to Percy who was hunched over, holding his stomach. "Yea, no dude I'm fine, I swear," Percy replies with pain in his voice. 

"What's going on?" I say my voice as steady as I can make it. "Percy almost fell man! Looks like his stomach hurts." "I said I'M FINE JOWEN!" Percy yells angrily. 

"WELL, CLEARLY YOU'RE NOT IF YOU'RE YELLING AND HOLDING YOUR STOMACH!" Jowen fires back. 

"Yea Percy! Does your stomach hurt?" I ask while kneeling down to Percy's level.  Finally, he sighs, admitting defeat. "Yea it does, a lot. I don't know why! This is the worst timing man! I got extra training with Coach tonight for tomorrow's game!" Percy says frustratedly while running a hand through his dark brown hair. 

"You're gonna be fine Percy let's just get you some Pepto Bismol and have you lie down. Maybe you'll make it to training in a few hours." I say softly.

"Yea man, you'll be fine. You won't miss training and tomorrow we are gonna crush that game." Jowen says enthusiastically with a grin. I'm not sure if I was imagining it or not, but I remember feeling kindness and attraction that day to Jowen for once. His grin made my heart skip a beat. 

But Percy never did make it to training that night. His stomach hurt too much. Or the game the day after. His stomach pain grew much worse.  According to Mom and Dad, he refused to eat which he NEVER did, due to how he needed as much weight as possible to stay on the football team. 

When I went to the football game that night with my group, I only thought of how much pain Percy must be in. Even the whole football team was concerned for him. They didn't play well that night. Jowen being the most important member of the team couldn't even focus, making them lose that night. I couldn't even finish watching Jowen drop the ball constantly as I had to leave early when Mom called me crying.

"Atlas! We called 911, Percy! Percy! He..." She couldn't even finish her sentence because of how much he was sobbing. I rushed to the hospital that was closest to my house. 

"Excuse me! Where's Percy Bender being kept?!" I said urgently, tears sticking to my face. "I'm sorry you can't see him right now." 

"WHY? HE'S MY BROTHER!" I yell at the poor lady just doing her job. 

"Miss would you please calm down? He's in the surgery room. They're diagnosing him." 

I sat down next to my sobbing mother and my shaken dad in the waiting room closest to Percy. I stopped crying. I wasn't sad. I wasn't angry. I was just, confused. How could someone so healthy, so athletic, have to be rushed to the hospital? That night I finally had the realization, the epiphany that absolutely no one could escape death, that we weren't immortal. No matter how young we are.

Percy was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. The type of cancer he had was one that had very late symptoms, almost too late to ever treat. 

We brought Percy back home a few days later after they explained all the treatment he would have to go through, with a very small chance of surviving. 

The car ride back after we picked him up was one of the worst moments of my pitiful life.  This may be the last time we ride in a car together, I kept thinking. He looked the most depressed I had ever seen, I mean who wouldn't? But the part that killed me was when he looked over at me with a smile on his stupid face. "Hey, why are you sad? You're not the one with cancer, besides I have a very small chance of living.  I'm not going to be dying of this cancer, trust me." 

I gave a sad laugh and nodded, then looked out the window again.

The truth was, Percy was right. He didn't die of cancer. He died from a hit and run a few days later.

Tuesday

I first heard voices out of the black abyss I was in. At first, they were all distorting into one voice. Then, I was able to differentiate 3 different ones. One was female, the other two male. Why couldn't I get out of this darkness? I wanted to know who was speaking. Were they trying to bring me out of it? Or push me more under? 

I couldn't recognize two of them, but I was finally able to recognize one of the male voices. I heard his voice with Percy's all the time. He was over at my house every day. "Atlas." I was finally able to understand something he said. Who is he? I felt a strong connection to him. But why him? "Atlas wake up." I heard him say again. That's when I was able to picture him in my mind. I saw a flash of dirty blond hair, a flash of a smirk, a flash of brown eyes. WHO WAS HE! Who were those other voices? 

"Atlas." I heard quietly one last time. 

I jolted upward, gasping for air, my eyes wet with tears, and my throat was dry. I couldn't find anyone when I looked to my left. But when I looked to my left, my eyes met the boy's eyes  I heard, saw flashes of in my abyss. "You ok?" I look down realizing I had slept on his lap. "What time is it?" I ask. "Umm, it's Tuesday morning. You slept for like 6 hours." Damn that's more sleep than I've gotten since Percy passed. 

I quickly get up to my feet so as to not sit in Jowen's lap any longer. "Well, thanks for letting me use your lap to sleep on, but I'm thirsty now." 

I looked around and Riley and Luke were both staring at me with concern. 

"What? Is there something on my ass?" I say raising my eyebrows.

"I mean, you did just wake up gasping like you were underwater." Riley points out.

"And you slept for a long time, you know, considering that we are in like an apocalypse." 

"Can't a girl get her sleep? 6 hours is the longest I've slept since...." I wasn't about to finish that sentence. No one could know.

Riley looked confused but understood I didn't want to finish the sentence. Luke seemed concerned and possibly wanted me to tell him what I had to say. Jowen however, flinched.

"I'm sorry." I say in a whisper practically, not to them though, to Percy. "Let's just, find some water, please."