Save Our Sorry Selves

Chapter 5

Monday

His hand was just as sweaty as his face was. It felt weird, having someone's hand in mine. The last time this happened, Peter was swinging my arm pretending to be Riley and mocking her seconds after she had done so on our way to lunch yesterday. Yesterday. Did yesterday even exist? Yesterday seemed so far away. A memory pushed in the back of my mind. 

My feet carried me as Jowen practically dragged me from the stall I was paralyzed in. Everything was in slow motion. My head slowly turned behind me to the stall blood poured out from. Chloe Marks's blood. I could see her limb body, laying in a crooked way on the floor. Her face was turned sideways, towards the stall I was in. Had she known it was me in there? Her last thoughts must have been resentment towards me, that I wasn't the one to die first. It was a good thing her face was out of view with the exception of her nose that stuck out which she took pride in. I wouldn't be able to handle staring at two sets of vacant eyes. 

I then turned my head towards the mirror, the mirror I looked only minutes ago at. This time, my arm was out, being held by a confident but secretly scared boy who I've hated for a while, who had just saved my life. He looked forward, with a determination that I've never seen. A determination greater than winning a football game, greater than making it to state, greater than getting a hot girls number, greater than keeping Percy hopeful. This was a determination of survival, the most powerful instinct.

Then I saw the horrible reflection of myself. My eyes were extra bloodshot, my brown hair sticking out in places, swinging and barely touching my stiff shoulders. I looked wild, terrified. My skinny frame a blur to my darting eyes. 

I immediately turned forward when I wasn't in view anymore. Everything seemed to be back in normal speed, no, faster speed. The shots echoing in buildings next door, louder than I remember. There are others no doubt, not just Travis. A whole group of them. Kids were screaming louder than ever again. I thought they had stopped in the bathroom. 

I didn't even bother turning behind me. If I got shot in the back, at least they wouldn't be the last person I saw. I'd much rather have it be Jowen's back. Speaking of his back I stared at the muscles flexing, unflexing, flexing again, moving to its own rhythm. The big P for Palm Tree High School stretching in and out. How the hell did he get time to change from his PE uniform to his school clothes? I was still in my hideous white outfit. I could feel the blood seeping into my socks, a wet sickening feeling I never wanted to feel again. 

I had no idea where we were going. It seemed like we were heading upstairs, but then he darted when we heard more yelling and kids started pouring out of the classroom, most not making it past the door. It was a domino effect, there seemed to be at least one person who has killing in each classroom, waiting for a queue or something. 

"What the actual fuck!" I heard Jowen yell. He pulled us up another stairwell that seemed quiet. Teens were running everywhere downstairs, but up here seemed like a different place in time. "In here shit!" Jowen shoved me into a decent-sized closet as I gasped not expecting a hard shove. He tried to close the door as quietly as he could but failed with a loud slam. "Fuck!" He whisper shouted. He fumbled with the lock and sat in the far corner of the oddly spacious room. I was on the ground not too far from him hugging my knees to my chest, the same position I was in on the toilet. "Hey, uh, sorry, I pushed you hard in here." He whispered just quietly enough for me to hear.  I gave him a small smile, barely able to see his face in the dark. "I mean, ya gotta what ya gotta do to survive. So, thanks for saving my life back there." I had just realized he still had his bloody bat with him. "Hey, what can I say, I'm your personal hero now you owe me a lot of shit if we make it." My small smile immediately faded and turned to its usual straight line, this time filled with annoyance. "I take that back, I wish you would've let me die. At least I wouldn't have to deal with you of all people in this fucking dark room." His smirk was still there, but he looked troubled, scared still. "Cut me some slack we just ran away from a fucking psycho. Besides, I don't think you'd want to die in the hands of a gross ass guy like Travis. That poor girl, who would hide in the guy's bathrooms." He was full-on grinning ina grim time like this. Should I tell him? No, not here in this awful spot where we are trapped together. I'd tell him if we made it out of here.

He must have noticed I had a weird reaction to the dead girl because he commented "What? You knew her or something? Am I being insensitive?" His smile was a little faded now. "Wow. Big boy words. I didn't know your brain was capable of knowing those." I said while rolling my eyes. We weren't quite whispering anymore since it was dead silent. Maybe we should've.

We fell silent. "How did you have time to change? Did you know about the shooting or something?" Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "I was gonna ditch class since I had triumphantly beaten you in the mile. I gotta admit, you were pretty close. What happened? Did my drop-dead looks get to you?" I couldn't think of a good response. I didn't want to talk about that topic either. The thing, or person, we shared in common. "You wish, but no. I was, just thinking." "What? That's hilarious. Thinking about my looks." "Ok can you shut up for one second and stop thinking everyone is in love with you or thinks you hot? You're so fucking annoying!" I almost yell. "Whoa! Shit quiet down I don't wanna die with you!" "The feeling is mutual." I say in a whisper again. 

I looked up at the dark ceiling, waiting for any sound, anything, to get out of this hell hole, out of this closet. The blond boy breaks the silence. "You know? If this really is the last day of our lives, I wouldn't mind playing seven minutes in heaven. You down?" I slowly turned towards him his eyebrows raised in question. He was dead-ass serious. "Fuck. No." "What? Why not? I could be your last kiss! Do you know how lucky you are? Girls would die to be in your place." He realized what he said and immediately apologized. "Don't apologize to me I ain't dead yet."