North - South

Se-ri noona

"Yoon Se-ri, Yoon Se-ri..."

It was as if someone was gently shaking her, as if Jeong Hyeok's long fingers were grabbing her arm. And she was hearing him whispering. But no... it couldn't be.

"Yoon Se-ri."

Ok, maybe it could be.

It had been just less than one hour before, that the tiredness had eventually showed some mercy, subtracting her to the erosive, laborious activity of her brain which, furthermore, hadn't brought to anything better than cursing herself and her own fate.

He didn't even wait for her to get properly seated before washing her with questions. "Then? The call? Did you inform them? Are they going to the embassy?" Asked while zealously helping, his hand providing support as she sluggishly tried to lift up.

"No..." By that time, Se-ri didn't even have the strength to sweeten the pill.

And if she was expecting disappointment of some sort, for sure she wasn't waiting for Jeong Hyeok to have such an instantaneous reaction.

"Wae?" The hand he was keeping on her arm distanced itself with a move that seemed more as if he was pulling her away, while a visible disdain was growing inside his eyes, spreading all over his face, the traits turning into hard.

It was as if he had already judged and condemned her.

"It hasn't... it hasn't been possible..."

The man shook his head like he was used to doing when she said something too capitalist or whichever didn't match his values, unable to conceal his loathe. So, that was what he really felt for her. He'd tried to be kind as much as it had been possible, but now his true feelings were coming to the surface. What he said later only confirmed it.

"Do you have any idea of how much we all are risking? When will you ever understand what we're doing for you?"

"It's that..." but what could she possibly say? Besides, he was already leaving the room.

Less than one minute later, the slam of the house door echoed so hard that Se-ri lifted her shoulders to bury her head in, unable to feel anything but the basic instincts like fear and a heavy, heavy burden in the centre of her chest.

She didn't go back to sleep, such a miracle would have been highly out of her reach. Neither she left the bed though, another miracle the woman felt unable to perform. All she did was to crouch on herself like a ball and hug her legs, forehead on the knees like she was used to when she was nothing but a child looking for some comfort in her walk-in closet.

How pathetic. No pills to calm down with, no one to call – and confessing it would have been so shameful! Besides, weird Jeong Hyeok would have never believed her -. And the only person who was helping her was now hating her.

It was as if the whole weight of the world was on her shoulders. Her problems never came one by one, always all together. She was a living source of disgrace.

Because yes, he had gotten a point: she was being a risk for all of them. And it couldn't be helped and she was actually cornered: calling or not, in both cases she would have put them at risk.

It would have been better for everyone if I would have never existed.

And there was when she realized that she actually had a choice. Trying to reach a border on her own. And if someone would have caught her, if she would have died while trying, then ok. At least, she would have stopped putting them at risk.

Eventually, after years through which she'd been useless in that respect, Se-ri felt the miserable knot clenching her throat and then freeing itself. She had to wait the night in any case, so there was some spare hour to feel won by fear and grief. Hugging her knees even stronger – who else she was waiting for the hug of? She'd always been her only source of hugs -, the woman left herself go, allowed herself to feel weak for a while. Just for a while.