The Zany Adventures of Willem Dafoe

the only part. for now...

willem dafoe was on a theme park date with michael cera. willem hated roller coasters but michael did not know this. so they went to the haunted house ride and when it started, willem screamed like a little girl. he was about to apologize for scaring him when he noticed that his hands were shaking uncontrollably. "yo willem what's wrong?" michael asked. suddenly willem put his hand over his heart and passed out!! he was having a heart attack!!

so michael took him to the emergency room where they found that he had suffered a massive heart attack and would probably die unless they performed open-heart surgery immediately. but there was one problem: willem was in such bad shape that they could not perform the surgery because of the risk involved. however michael was still on good terms with his ex girlfriend rapunzel who had magical healing powers when she sang. so michael called rapunzel. when she arrived at the hospital she looked at willem and said "you're gonna be okay". then she began to sing and within seconds the doctors realized that they couldn't find any traces of heart disease or anything else wrong with him. "damn rapunzel that was good" jared leto, the main doctor, said. "thank you jared!" she replied.

however she noticed something was up with jared. his dick was out! he did his doctor job with his dick hanging out his pants! "jared i'm going to have to ask you to leave" she said. "but why? is it because my penis is out?" he asked. "yes exactly" she said. "well if you don't want me here just say so!" jared was so upset he began to turn into morbius. he sucked all of rapunzel's blood and she died. willem knew what he had to do. he had to turn into the green goblin! he grabbed his gun and shot himself in the head.

then he woke up back in the dream world. he saw that everyone was dead except for michael cera. he picked up michael and hugged him tightly. after that he woke up for real! he woke up in a sweat. "what's wrong baby?" michael asked. "i had a nightmare" willem said. "oh no willem, please tell me what happened!!" michael pleaded. "it was horrible! i had a nightmare that i killed michael cera by shooting myself in the head!!" "lol willem you don't need to refer to me in third person." michael said. "let's get ready for today."

today they were going to sexcon, the convention for people who have sex. they got dressed and went outside. as soon as they stepped outside, they heard the sound of gunfire. they turned around and saw a man standing there holding a gun. he pointed the gun at them and yelled "get down or you'll be next!" the guy holding the gun was willem's longtime arch nemesis, steve buscemi! he fired at william dafoe. but william dafoe dodged the bullet and shot steve buscemi right between the eyes. then he stood up and smiled. "you're welcome" he said. willem turned into the green goblin before he shot steve buscemi so killing him was legal. "i guess we should go home now" michael said. "yeah let's get outta here" willem agreed.

they went back inside the haunted house ride and waited until they heard the announcement that it was safe to come out. the announcer was voiced by chris pratt which neither michael or willem liked. so they decided to take a different ride. they took the log flume ride. then they rode the bumper cars. then they played some skeeball. then they tried to play laser tag but the game broke. it turned out that the laser guns were real guns! oh no!! willem and michael ran away from the cops and hid behind a tree. the police came and arrested willem and michael. they took them to jail and locked them up.

willem woke up. he was placed in a jail cell with jared leto. michael was locked up in a room with all of his alive exes. michael thought that he was going to be killed by his exes. then he remembered that he was the god of dreams and he could do whatever he wanted. so he took a gun and shot each and every one of his exes. he was on good terms with some of them so it was hard to do.

meanwhile in willem's jail cell willem stepped on a nail which caused his toe to bleed. this triggered jared leto to turn into morbius. "hey willem you're bleeding" morbius said. "i know morbius, but don't worry, i can fix it" willem said. "okay, well hurry up because i'm getting hungry" morbius said. morbius began to suck the blood out of willem's toe. willem needed to pull away before morbius sucked all his blood but morbius was too strong! he sucked all of willem's blood out and turned him into morbius! "oh no willem" willem said. "don't worry i'm gonna save you!" morbius said. michael's spidey sense detected that willem had turned into morbius. michael had to save willem! he got out of his jail cell and ran to the hospital. he had to stop morbius from sucking all of willem's blood out. he ran to the operating room and began to shoot morbius with his spiderman web shooters. morbius was trapped in a bunch of webs. michael carried willem out of the hospital and laid him down but willem was dying! and rapunzel was dead so she couldn't use her healing powers to save him! then the police showed up and arrested michael again. he was taken back to jail.