Give Me A Reason

Chapter 10

Meredith Grey

I help roll Derek on the bed through the hallways on our way to the OR. I was on the side while Dr. Bailey was pushing from behind. I felt a hand grab onto mine and I looked down to see Derek's hand. I looked up and saw him looking at me intently. "I'll be okay" he mouths and I nod.

"I know" I mouth back and he lets a low chuckle.

We get into the OR and before they put him out he says something. "I'll see you soon Meredith" he says before he falls asleep.

"Close with the patient Grey?" Dr. Bailey asks raising her eyebrow.

"No" I say quickly maybe a little too quickly.

"Hm" she hums in amusement.

I glance up at her and she has a calm relaxed face...she knows, she always knows, she's Dr. Bailey and she knows everything.

We weren't very far into the surgery and it isn't going planned, the cancer has spread. Doctor Bailey told me to go update his family. I let out a shaky breath and walk out of the OR.

"Dr. Grey!" Mrs. Shepherd exclaims with hope and I can hear the fear in her voice.

"Mrs. Shepherd" I say with a weak smile.

"Somethings wrong" she frowns and sits back down.

"Yes, something is wrong" I say sadly.

"His cancer is worse than expected isn't" Ameila says.

"Yes it was spread and Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey are doing the best they can to see if they can still remove it" I say looking at them all, tears brimming their eyes I didn't realize that I was doing the exact same thing.

"You didn't tell him did you" Mr. Shepherd says taking me off guard.

I look over to him as he looks at me. I take in a deep breath. "No, no I didn't tell him" I sigh a tear running down my cheek but I wipe it immediately.

"People barely survive from this cancer you know" Mrs. Shepherd says to herself as if she's going crazy.

I look back at Mr. Shepherd. "He's never looked at someone the way he looks at you" he tells me as he comforts his wife.

"I, I have to go back" I choke out.

"Go" he nods.

I walk back into the scrub room and start scrubbing my hands when I look up and see him coding. I run back in there straight to Derek. I go next to his head and I run my fingers threw his hair as tears fall down my face. "You can't die Derek, you have a family waiting for you, me Derek me, you promised me you wouldn't die please don't die on me" I sob.

"Someone get her out of here" Richard  snaps. He has always thought of me as his child, I'm the closest thing he has.

"No! Please let me stay Richard, please let me be with him" I plead looking at him.

"Fine bit if you get in the way" he says looking at me.

"I'll stay right here" I say looking down at Derek rubbing my thumb along his cheek.

"He's been gone for two minutes" on of the scrub nurses say.

"Come on Derek, please don't die you promised you promised" I cry.

"Dr. Webber" Dr. Bailey says.

"Miranda either help me save this man or get out" he warned.

"I'll stay just take a break" she says making him take a few steps away from the table before she took over the chest compressions.

"Four minutes" the scrub nurse says.

"Come on damn it" she says as she does the chest compressions.

"Derek, no Derek no, not now please not now" I cry.

"Grey, I think we have to let him go" Dr. Bailey says starting to take a step back.

"No Dr. Bailey please" I beg I know it's selfish but I don't want to lose him.

"Meredith" she says softly.

"No Derek no don't die on me" I say and start to do chest compressions on him myself.

Don't die on me, that's all that I keep repeating in my head. Don't. Die. On. Me. I don't know what I would do with myself I mean when Denny died Izzie layed on my bathroom floor for a day and basically shut down.

"You are one stubborn man Shepherd" I say as I continue the chest compressions.

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I'm sorry to leave you on cliffhanger...not really.

Will he live or not?

Hm guess you'll have to wait...I literally cried while writing this.

Suggestions, preferably bnot once that say make Derek live or something like that, thanks!