Lisa's pov
I'm tired about everything! About everyone! I only had one wish for my self and that is to let go of what I have, since what I only had today was only my breath and nothing more...
"Can you atleast be se-selfless just for today???" I weakly said that made her look at me directly.
"Yo-you know why I'm selfish??" she seriously asked that paused me.
"W-when you died, when we're twelve feet apart! ..I-I can't fucking breath for the first time Lisa! I will find you whenever you a-are... I will come for you whether if that means following you to the other side and that is my last words for you as Jennie.. ."
"Lisa I-I'm here! I-I'm here because you're h-here! I-if you die.... What's the reason for me to fight?" she added in her trembling voice.
"I'm still Jennie Lisa... But I can't fucking go back to who I am!" she said again. I gulped then look away.
"Then why are you doing this?" I deeply asked without throwing her a look. I only want to hear her answer.
"Because I love you..." she answered the stopped me. I lift my head looking at her,she's looking at me but I cant fucking tell, I cant see the truth in her eyes.
"You're lying... Again." I sternly utter then turn my feet around.
"Ma-maybe I was... Because since you've been gone I lived in lies,ever since I have to live in dishonesty in able to live."
I clench my teeth. "So you did this to me? Is that why you changed my life!? Do you know what I came through?? Do you have any idea what pain you caused me?!!" I angrily said while looking at her.
"Noo! No I don't Lisa! You may see me as someone you hate the most because of what I did but that is the exact reason why I did all of this!"
"For you to hate me! Hate me as long as you want Lisa! Do you think I really care? Do you think I still cares? I c-choosed to be strong enough to take all the hurtful words, all the blame coming from you to the day we'll meet again!I expected it all!!" she added while holding back her tears, she look away then wiped it.
" I only a-ask you one thing... That is to walk away. Walk away and never see me again but you are here! The day you left made me numb and soffucated but the day you returned is the day I'm dying!" she said that leaved me speechless.
I don't know what she meant, I don't know what to tell and I don't know what to believe. I'm too numb for this...
"Jen—" I was about to call her but she already turn her back from me before running back to the house.
Jennie's pov
I reached the house while tears keep flowing down my eyes. Kai saw me but I hid my face by looking away then rushed upstairs.
I locked my self in my room then ended up silently crying on the floor.
For over 3 years I made myself numb to not feel any pain, I learned to stop the tears in my eyes, I learned on how to look fine even I'm dying inside. I learned everything to ignore my heart but I think it's hard to do that... Because the reason I go this far is becuase of my love that I choosed to sacrifice.
You don't know the feeling of being thorned in the chest, the feeling of being teared into pieces everytime I saw her in pain.
Everytime I saw her eyes with those tears, everytime I felt the pain on her voice, from her words saying she hate me the most... When she's saying she wanted to die because of me, when she says she regret of loving me, when she declared that she should not trust me and while looking at me as if I was the worses person she ever met... I was crying deep inside everytime I smile at her sadness and pain. You don't know the feeling....
Every pain I am causing her, I'm asking forgiveness for all of that. Each night in my bed I was crashing inside! I wanted to hug her to lessen the pain but I can't do that, I wanted to be happy to see her again with my own eyes but I choosed to be mad... I can't fucking do that because she only have me today...
If I need to lie in able to protect her I will do that, even if that means my own life.
Someday... She'll understand...
