The Romance Writer

03

THE NEVER READY

That guy who seemed to have everything to be The One, but he wasn't ready to get involved. He was never ready to get involved. Not at the first time, nor the second... I hardly believe he will ever be ready for whatever reason he has.

It all started with a common interest. When Flynn showed up dressed as the main character of my favorite movie, I just had to go talk to him.

It was a small dialogue, but soon we started talking on almost a daily basis. Through text, we had amazing conversations, I got to know so much about him, his childhood, his interests. Can you believe he played the accordion? I was also genuinely admired by his intelligence. He was an unique guy, that's for sure.

He also wouldn't save compliments when it came to me, he said I was special, that he couldn't talk like this with anyone else... When we saw each other, we would do some teasing, but both were quite timid to do some real conversation.

I grew into liking him a lot. He made me laugh, he comforted me... oh and he was an expert in making me flustered.

- You are becoming a tomato again. - He used to tease when I'd blush.

One day, I decided to tell him how I felt. He felt the same. But neither of us were ready for entering a relationship at that time, at least not with each other.

Sounds just okay until now, huh? That's about to change.

A very close friend of his came up to me one day and said Flynn wasn't really interested in me. I didn't know wether he was serious or joking, so I confronted Flynn (Through message, because I was rather scared).

FLYNN: I think I've never really liked you.

ME: Well, me neither. I believed I did, but now I see that it's not the case.

I'm not proud of that lie. But his words broke my ground at the time, it was my first instinct to make something up.

I grew many insecurities from that. Someone literally faked liking me, how was I supposed to believe anyone truly liked me? Was I hard to love? Was I not enough?

Not long after, I started dating a guy, might have been a way to fill my insecurities (It didn't work).

The years passed.

After my break up, for some godamn reason, I started talking to Flynn again. And it was like nothing had happened, no time had passed, we were flirting like the old times.

- You know, you should really stop that illusionism act, I'll feel special with all that. - I argued.

- Do you really believe I'm tricking you?

- Maybe? After the last time, I'm cautious.

- After what?

He didn't even remember. He only remembered the good things that happened between us, he had no memories of why we parted... So I reminded him.

- I have no ideia why I said those things. - He sounded mad at himself. - I really liked you, a lot actually.

I had built all that image of myself based on the ideia someone pretended to like me. But the thing is he actually did like me.

Existential crisis.

But things were different now. Neither of us were seeking for a relationship. I must admit, I almost fell for him again when we clarified everything, but I managed not to. I knew it would happen all over again like a vicious cycle.

We almost took it further than the talking stage, but he'd always find an excuse at last moment. He was never ready.

That's where I take inspiration for the guys who have so much uncovered, who are unique and caring once you get to know them. Also the inspiration for that character who doesn't quite know how to deal with his feelings. But most importantly, the inspiration for the guy who's not just there for anyone, he'll only be truly ready when he finds his The One.

Flynn, I had a terrible experience investing in you, but it's great to be your friend now. Thank you for inspiring such a profound character, with questionable attitudes, but a soft side. I manage to romanticize even your lies and excuses, seeking for deeper meanings behind each of them. I just hope that, someday, The Never Ready will find someone who makes him feel truly ready.

It would have been fun, but thank you for not being The One.