Dear Everyone And Anyone That Reads This

First Entry

Dear anyone... actually... Heyo anyone, nope, that doesn't sound right either. I'll figure out how to start these entries some other time. Anyways you wouldn't know me as I don't try too hard to get you to notice boring me. How have you been? How is Apollo?

I hope you are both doing well. I don't think and also hope you never read this. Anyways, why am I writing to you as if you are a diary? Well the answer is that I look up to you. I am 5ft, so of course I do!

Adding more to my answer though is because I have an inkling for you. Then again, who doesn't? I should probably stop with that...as I don't want to boost up your God complex, ha kidding! Another reason I guess is because I'm a lonely 20 year old, please don't give me pity. I am okie!

I probably shouldn't lie, as I should know that there's 95% chance you will never read this. I am so tired of being alone. I miss my old friends but since we graduated we drifted apart. Then I only ever hangout with my ex and my family. I guess I kinda depend on them a bit too much.

They say they don't mind, but I always have that part of me that thinks they do. Almost all the people I love worry about me being alone. I wish they can stop worrying so much but if it was the other way around I would be the same way. My problem is about my mental state of mind. Then again who else isn't also a little mentally unstable?

I have PTSD, anxiety and depression. Everyone's favorite trifecta....not! This is a threesome no one wants to really deal with. My family obviously thinks they have to. But for my ex, he stayed with me for 4+ years and always battles with what mood I am in for the day.

I also have a bit of trouble of bottling things in. So if someone were to push me out on the edge I come back with a much stronger push. I try not to let anyone see me that way. That doesn't always work out but I never learn. Hopefully with me turning 21 next month I will have better control...maybe?

I should probably go to sleep now as I have to get up early. I am at Seaside, Oregon for a few days for my aunts birthday. Anyways, thank you for reading this entry of a bit of my life. I'll see about writing on this app some more. Arny, if you do ever read this... just know that seeing your face makes my day better!

Love~Somebody