Dear Everyone And Anyone That Reads This

Third Entry

Heyo everyone and anyone who reads this! I finally figured out how to start these off! Dont get me wrong I'm still making this out to Arny. Though for those who else read this should also be welcomed! I know I have been MIA for the last few days.

I was having some problems with my myself a bit. I still am but I don't want to talk about it. Which is weird, I know, since this about being anonymous and saying whatever I want. I just need some time to collect myself more. So for now let's put a pin in that.

Right now I am alone and getting anxious. I hate being by myself ever since I was a kid. I've also been remembering things from my childhood. I have trouble remembering my childhood as there is a mental block. Then it hits me like a bus when I remember.

Then after I remember I just go silent and try to get it out of my head.
I just want to remember the good things for this moment of my life. I do try to talk to people about it but I get pushed aside. Which I understand that they are just too busy to worry about something that is only minor. Though to me it is something major.

Yet, what do I do? I try to make myself forget again. So instead I talk to them about what is going on with them. I find that talking about someone else gives you a different outlook. Making me think that I shouldn't pity myself as my life could be worse.

Then.. why am I making this a diary about my days. Maybe I want to look back on this someday and hope I have improved. All I want is to get better and be a better person. Then maybe I will feel like I am almost enough. I just need to do better.

I'm sorry for all the things I've said so far. I don't want to be bumming you out. Right now I am just trying to numb myself. This and the cbd gummies I've taken are the only things. The only things to get my truth out.

I am listening to a bit of a depressing playlist. I'm playing it on spotify. It's called Suicidal songs I love. Don't get any ideas. I am not going to unalive myself at this moment in time.

I just need something to play so I can put my focus on it. Then my mind will be forgetting for a moment. A moment of me not going crazy with my moods. I should've done it earlier instead of calling my ex. If anything he just bums people more.

I miss being in a relationship but I know that is just another way of distracting myself. I know I should work more on trying to love myself before going back out there. I just keep getting hit by the likebug. I'm saying likebug as I don't fall in love with people that easily. It took more than a year to say I love you to my ex.

That wasn't a flex it is just hard to trust people. Men, to be precise. I guess you can say I have "father problems". I will get into that in my next entry but for now I say farewell. I will write here soon!

Love~Somebody