Dear Everyone And Anyone That Reads This

Fifth Entry

Heyo everyone and anyone who reads this! I am having a moment. I am in a very lovable mood. It just sucks that I am not dating anyone right now. Sometimes being single sucks when you have moments like these.

No one judge me since we are all here for one reason or another. I thought it would be interesting to read some fanfiction at 2 in the morning. I am now writing this at 5 in the morning. I had to stop myself from reading because it was making my standards go even higher. Another reason why I haven't been watching Arnys tiktoks lately because he keeps making my standards also go higher.

What I am talking about is the attentiveness, the cute nicknames and kindness that I read or watch. The things that my ex had lacked in our relationship in the recent years. Whenever I read the sappy, loveydovey things that happen in some fanfiction I read made me realize something. Made me realize how I never gone for someone who wanted to be attentive, kind or give me cute nicknames. Instead I go for the people that I think would change overtime but never do.

I have only dated about a handful of people. I guess I lack a bit of experience in a lot of things. Almost all the people that I ever dated wanted to do was use me and not keep me. I've had a secret relationship with someone in high-school who was considered "popular". When the truth came out he said I was a liar and ugly.

In another relationship, the guy I was with couldn't decide if he wanted to keep seeing me since I wouldn't have sex with him. So he thought about seeing my ex best friend and I broke up with him. Quite a few people that was interested me back out after finding out about what I would be lacking in the relationship. I guess I can tell you guys since no one knows me. I am a virgin waiting for marriage.

I am turning 21 in a couple of days and I still haven't done the deed. Trust me I REALLY want to. I don't know how nuns cannot think about it. I almost did slip with my recent ex. I didn't because I never felt I could give him that part of me.

A question I get asked a lot by my family is if I was still a virgin. A lot of my family done the deed when they were younger than I am now. It's so fun seeing the people you went to high-school with already giving birth to their second baby. Or seeing wedding photos when you are almost the same age as them. I'm not shaming people, I am just jealous.

I want to settle down with someone and then eventually start a family. I want someone to grow old with. I'm trying to be hopefully that I will get that. Deep down I know that there is a possibility that I won't. As always bumming people out in each entry.

Let's try to end this on something positive! I've been thinking for 2 minutes and I got nothing! I survived high-school and I will survive being single for awhile! I am now gonna try and sleep. I will write to you soon!

Love~Somebody