Dear Everyone And Anyone That Reads This

Second Entry

Ho there, hi there! Still figuring out an opening to these pages. That one definitely doesn't suit me. I will figure it out at some point. Just probably when I'm not tired and writing past midnight.

Tomorrow I am going back home and I am dreading on having to go back. Reason being that my sister and her friend that lives with us, always make me feel stupid. They definitely push my buttons and I don't know how to deal with it. I guess I can always take deep breathes and block them out. Then again, that sadly doesn't always work.

I'm sorry! I know I haven't been giving you all the hearts on tiktok lately. It's just I don't watch your videos unless I am alone. Not like I'm doing anything inappropriate while watching. That sounds weird and sounds like you are my guilty pleasure. I like watching your videos when I'm alone as it makes me feel like you are talking to me alone.

Again, some people who watches your videos are probably doing the same thing. To be honest...you kinda set my expectations a bit too high. Probably another reason why my ex is an ex. I'm not blaming you! It's just when you do cute videos where you treat the girl like a Queen, I suddenly then realize that my ex doesn't treat me that way.

There are multiple reasons why we are exes now. Yet I know that I still care for him! He cares for me still, I know because he checks on me to make sure I am okie. It is nice but also a bit hard to move on.

It has been about 5 months now since our breakup. I guess I'm still trying to pick up the pieces. It is hard however as I had one date throughout these 5 months. Then my ex found out and stopped talking to me for a week. He said he was sorry for being immature and that he hopes I am happy with the guy I went on one date with.

I haven't heard from the guy I went on a date with since. Which works out as I still don't think I am fully ready to give my all. That is really important to actually give someone you want to have a future with your all. I am scared to go back out there and try to find someone, I think I am such a mess of a person.

Especially mentally, I have a hard time with. As long as I take my happy pills I should be a-OK. Right now I'm not really happy with the weight I've been gaining. Instead the weight makes my mental state a bit more difficult. As I started to hear my dad's voice telling me how I am fat and ugly again.

Right now, would not be a good time to talk about it. I have to get up early to head back home. I also want to avoid the subject a bit longer. I hope you are doing well! I will get back into liking your recent videos!

Love~Somebody