See you on the other side~Oumami~(read Decs)

Going crazy

I feel like I am fucking dead. Both inside and outside.Sometimes when I look at wall.. I see him, I start crying, like I don't do it, my eyes just start... Then I cry for hours and just lay down thinking how I am gonna survive... or should I survive... what if I killed my self... no one would  care, expect him.. but he is not here so?... No. Stay alive for Rantaro. Prove him you can.Why is it so hard to stop thinking about him and his everything! I feel like I am losing my mind once again.

"Hello Shuichi!~" I said as I saw Shuichi open door. "Hello Kokichi.How are you doing?" Shuichi just let me die mentally. "Well!~I am doing soooo much better!Thank you for listening me yesterday!"I said back to him"No p-problem." Shuichi replied quietly, something wrong with that mother fucker."So what do you want?"I said. "What?" He replied, oh my god. Can't he just answer me. "You didn't came here just to ask me how I am doing, if you did that would be weird. " I said and giggled at the end of my sentence."Well I wanted to know.. How are you always so cher full, after... you know.. our classmates d-dying?"Oh dear Shuichi, I am not cher full it's just a mask to cover my weak ass personality. "Nishishi!~We are in killing game.That's what we are supposed to see!Game will continue no matter what happens!We aren't in normal situation. This kill or get killed situation! Nothing between!" I said and give him creppy smile,only if he knew.. "Kokichi.." he replied. Oh god. "What Shuichi, surprised that a liar like me speaks truth?!Nishishi!" He just sat there silent, not even trying to make respond to aallll of my words. After some minutes,he left.I did not expect him to get used with my bullshit. Nah boooring!Okay got little too much into character.

Sitting in silent wanting to cry, but nothing left in my eyes, haven't eat for days.. there is no Rantaro to give me motivation to eat or be healthy anymore, the BEST part is that, I am not even hungry I thought and giggled to my self.Well should give my self some motivation about anything. Have no one to annoy, nothing to do..More negative thoughts came.. let's just sleep so I can dream them off.