Odasaku's Last Wish (Dazai X Male!Reader)

IX

Dazai was at the office like everyday. He was, again, anticipating (Y/n)'s visit. Ever since his last visit a week ago he's tried to stay clean. He may hate feeling vulnerable, and telling people about his problems, but he hates seeing (Y/n) sad even more. So he made the decision to swallow his pride and tell him whenever he felt like he had to do something, and got this itching in his arms begging him for some sort of action. He could feel it coming up again. He sighed and got up from the couch he was lying on and took off his headphones. Kunikida was about to yell at him, but dazai made a b-line straight towards to exit of their office. He stepped out of the building entirely, and took a deep breath once outside. He contemplated calling (Y/n), and looked around. He sighed shaking his head slightly, he turned and walked back into the building. He went to the restroom making sure noone was there, and took out his phone. He stood infront of the mirror and paused when he looked up. His brown hair desheveld as always, sticking to his forehead with grease. Dull brown eyes and sickly pale skin greeting him in the reflection of what was supposed to be him. He couldn't even recognise himself anymore, he hated this, he hated that (Y/n) felt the need to hide things from him. He knew having secrets was healthy, you should have things you keep to yourself, but he couldn't help but chuckle at his beau's hypocrisy. He decided he would take the rest of the day off, and went home.
He was standing in the bathroom, he had zoned out while walking home and hadn't realized he had made his way to the washroom.
He contemplated it, he kept thinking about it. It was a so conveniently easy way of getting rid of these ugly thoughts and feelings, to get away from everything even just for a few minutes. He stared longingly at the razor he used to shave. He bit his knuckles in contemplation.
Should he? It would make (Y/n) feel terrible, and the guilt was eating him up even without having done anything.
He couldn't. He couldn't do this to him, not after he promised. Dazai had always been a man of his word, be it directly or indirectly. He shuffled his way back to the biggest room he dubbed 'living room'. It wasn't really one but it sufficed. He shrugged off his coat and hung it neatly on the door separating the 'living room' from the bathroom, and sat down on his futon. He took out his phone to see what time it was, and saw he had numerous messages and a missed call from (Y/n), all asking why he left work early. He was confused for a second before he remembered he had told fukazawa about the whole situation. He must've contact (Y/n) and told him. He was about to text back when he heard a knock at his door. He knew who it was, so he just yelled a quick 'Come in!' and waited for a his, by now worried to death boyfriend to barge in. "Dazai, what the fuck?! Do you know how worried I was when Fukazawa called me telling me you just disappeared from work?!" He yelled, it was obvious he wasn't mad, just extremely worried. So dazai stood up, and hugged him. The other immediately melting into the warmth of his partner. "I'm sorry darling. I just wasn't feeling too well, and didn't want to bother you." (Y/n) sighed, and just let himself have this moment with his beloved, shoving his face into Dazais shoulder.