Athena

Chapter 5

"Sometime I wish someone out there will find me"
-Green Day

Should I tell him? Should I tell him that my last name is Moretti as well? That there is an extremely high chance that I'm his cousin? I surely am curious about his reaction. Will he change the way he acts around me? Does he have something against me as well or was it just my brothers? If they are so close I suppose they support their decision.

Who am I kidding! Of course they support it. Why would they want someone like me in their family. And that is if we're even family.

"Woods. Athena Woods." I lie.

"See, it wasn't that hard now was it? Matteo smiles down at me.

I smile as well. A fake smile."Yeah I guess it wasn't"

"So, um, I hate to interrupt your bonding shit but we should really get going Matt. Leo is not gonna be happy with us" Enzo says before Matteo gets a chance to reply.

"Shit, we gotta go. And you should be heading home as well, it's really late. You never told as what you were doing here? " Matteo looks at me accusingly.

Can't they just drop it?

I rub the back of my neck nervously "Um you know, I was just walking Cade and he heard something in the house, well, I guess he heard you guys and he ran inside so I followed him and here we are." I smile proudly at myself for thinking a believable excuse.

"You were walking a wolf? Why are you even anywhere near that beast. He's huge and dangerous. Aren't you scared?" Enzo buts in causing me to frown.

"Hey, don't disrespect Cade. He has never hurt anyone. Honestly he's just like a huge scary puppy and I love him. He's just protective of me, that's all" I defend my best friend.

"Whatever, we're leaving. Do you want us to walk you home?" Enzo asks.

"No, thanks. I live just down the streat, I'll be fine. Besides I have this guy here to protect me" I say while petting Cade's head.

"Okay then, goodnight Thena, I'll see you tomorrow at work!" Matteo hugs me and then they are out of the house.

I sigh relieved. That was close.

I walk back into the living room and lay down next to Noah. He instinctively snuggles closer to me and I hug his waist.

I try to sleep but with so many thoughts in my head, sleeping seems like an impossible task.

I just met my cousins. Are they my cousins? Am I going with the theory that I'm their sister. There are so many clues to ignore. Do I want those guys to be my brothers?

That's definitely a question...

Say they are my brothers. What happens if they have changed their mind about me. I mean, if they still hate me, there's not much I can do. But if they regretted their actions? Am I supposed to forgive them for everything that I've been through because of them? I know I sound dramatic and that they were just kids back then but they could at least fight for me. Surely that would've made a difference. It could've saved me.

Why is life so hard? Why can't I just fucking relax and not think about anything. I'm so tired, so tired of it all. I want to cry and I want to scream but my voice is trapped in my throat. All my feelings are caged in a corner of my mind, fighting to get out but I just push them farther away. That can't be healthy... But I can't let them out. I can't be weak, not right now. It's only a few more months and then everything will be better. That's what I keep telling my self. I'll be eighteen and free. I will adopt Noah and we will live a normal life.

I will buy an apartment and I will get a stable job to provide for my family.

I wish I could go to college.

Even though I wasn't able to go to school I would still study by my self and teach Noah most of the things I learnt. I always loved reading, either for education or for fun. I also love music. It fascinates me. Back in the orphanage I learnt how to play the guitar. It was a way to express my emotions, a way to cope.

I wish I had a guitar.

I wish, I wish, I wish...

Sometimes I blame mysepf for the way that my life has ended up. I try to blame my parents for abandoning me and my brothers for not caring but I can't. I can't find it in my heart to hate them. Maybe it's because when I sleep I only dream about the good times and I remember how much I loved them.

Do they still remember me? They have to, right ? Or maybe we were too young and I was too insignificant to remember.

My eyes begin to sting. I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't cry for them. They don't deserve my tears. It's what they wanted, those monsters from the orphanage. They wouldn't miss a chance to show me just how disgusting and unwanted I am.

"Look at you. You're nothing more than a pathetic excuse of a human. Not even your parents loved you enough to keep you. You disgust me" He said before slapping my face.

A tear slips down my cheek. And then another and then a third one.

I try to wipe them away but they keep coming. It's like they are mocking me, just another reminder that they still have an affect on me. That they can still control me. That no matter how far I ran, they will never be truly gone.

The abuse wasn't so much physical as it was mental. Don't get me wrong, I had my fair share of kicks and slaps but nothing hurt more than their words. God, those words.

"Thena?" A small voice calls from beside me.

"Yes, love?" I wipe my tears quickly.

"Why were you crying, Thena?" Noah asks with a sleepy frown on his face.

I know that lying and saying I wasn't would be pointless, he might be young but he's not stupid.

"I was just a bit sad, that's all." I answer truthfully.

He scoots closer to me and engulfs me in a hug. "Why were you sad?"

What am I supposed to say. He knows about the abuse but I don't want to tell him that it still affects me.

"You know how sometimes life gets really hard and you don't know what to do?" He nods. "Well, this is one of those times and I feel really lost and I was just overwhelmed, that's all. But I'm gonna be okay, everything is gonna be okay" I answer and I'm not sure if I'm trying to reassure him or myself.

----------

Please vote and comment. Love you!

-A