A temporary death in this tiresome reality might not be enough when you have a tired soul . . . it is just too tired.
Sleeping feels an escape,
before I sleep,
I would sigh—
sigh in relief that it is done.
But every time I wake up,
it is never done,
it is a never ending cycle—
an infinite chaos.
My half of the soul is becoming the worst,
it started feeling heavy,
slowly being consumed.
My brain felt like dense,
it is shouting,
it says,
"help"—
and I could not do anything about it.
No one knows this suffering,
I only have myself
and myself is wishing to be in grave.
I thought I was special for having it
but I am not,
I am having a broken heart
and a broken soul,
I just could not resist it—
everything feels like a war.
I could not just bring my armor again
because I am also human,
I am getting tired.
I am so tired of fighting,
why do I feel I am fighting this battle alone?
I am tired of fighting alone,
could anyone help me?
Could anyone save me?
Could anyone fight for me?
Or at least . . .
could anyone run away with me?
Because I am really tired,
drowning in this never ending ocean,
without anyone to hold a hand.
It is just lonely,
it is like having friends
but not having a circle of friends—
huh . . .
I hope I was like others
who does not waste my time on this,
but I am like this.
I hope I was like them
who face life without any doubts,
but I am like this.
I just feel so . . .
alone . . .
and lonely,
heart is beating so fast in panic—
it is scary.
Tears are flowing on like lava,
I just want to see the sun rise again
with a smile on my face.
With faith,
courage
and hope—
a gold it tastes.
With sparkle in my eyes,
because now,
I feel like I am just waiting for the sun to come up,
to stop this cycle that is most vulnerable in the moon—
I hope someone runs away with me.
Or I hope I come back to my old self,
because I know my old self would not feel this way—
huh . . .
what happened to me now?
I think I must divert my attention,
I am tired of crying and thinking about sanction,
feeling like I am buried alive—
why not . . .
why not just sleep to escape this loneliness?
But even sleeping feels very heavy . . .
