What We Take Away

Chapter 18 | Cassie

December 19th, 2005

Ten days.

Ten, whirlwind days since I started seeing Aram Jacobs. Just the thought of him makes me giddy.

My fingers hover over the piano keys. I'm back home with Ma and Ba now that the semester is over, and I've been practicing for hours every day, revisiting my old repertoire to pass the time -- Chopin nocturnes and Brahms intermezzos and Schumann concertos... but no matter how many sweeping pieces I play, I can't stop thinking about Aram. With a sigh, I drop my hands in my lap as I recount the events leading up to the start of our relationship for the thousandth time.

It's funny how heartache can pave the way for mental clarity. It was embarrassing and hard for me to accept that what existed between me and Zac was one-sided, especially since I had convinced myself that Zac also felt the same way. In the weeks following that awkward conversation in my room, Zac acted as though nothing happened – but I could not continue as though everything was fine.

"Will you go out with me?"

Aram had caught me off guard, but his question rang clear. Despite him being almost a stranger, I wasn't afraid. I don't know if it was the look of longing in his eyes or the sincerity with which he asked – but in that instant, I felt hopeful. After all, what did I have to lose?

"Sure!" I had replied brazenly, surprising myself.

Aram had grinned like a schoolboy, his smile softening the sharp lines of his face into a handsome and rugged expression.

"I'll call you," he promised as we parted ways. "You have no idea how happy you just made me!"

Even though final exams soon occupied much of our free time, Aram made sure to call me every day. It felt liberating to say yes to him, and I relished knowing that our relationship was something only he and I knew about. It's not often in life that a decision is fully mine and agreeing to see him exclusively made me feel especially grown and mature. And though some might think that starting a new relationship at the end of the semester is counter intuitive, I think it's terribly romantic and symbolic of a new season being born.

As it turns out, Aram's parents live over in Steel Heights, twenty-five minutes away from my family home in Ironvale. But I'm not ready for Ma and Ba to know about him, so we agree to be discreet about our relationship for now. Ba will not be happy about the idea of me suddenly having a boyfriend, particularly since he's so keen on me to stay focused on academics. Keeping him a secret from my family is easy, since the moment I came home for the holiday break Ba has been working nonstop and Ma has been occupied with choir rehearsals for church. Lex is totally oblivious. But to avoid any awkward conversations with my family, I wait until everyone else in the house is asleep before calling Aram each night on the phone.

"I can't believe we're dating," I marveled to him late one night while pacing around my bedroom. I made sure to keep my voice low so that Lex wouldn't hear through the wall next door.

"I can't believe it either," he admitted. "I feel like I've been waiting for you for a long time."

"Well, I'm here now," I murmured shyly, twirling my hair.

"I'm so lucky you're my girlfriend."

There was such a sense of finality in the way he said that word... girlfriend.

"Am I your girlfriend?" I chuckled.

"Only if you want to be."

"What about you? What do you want?" I asked, holding my breath. He paused.

"I want to be yours. Not just someone you're seeing. I want to be the one who protects you."

Aram's voice was serious and full of weight. I smiled into the receiver; grateful he couldn't see the goosebumps on my arms.