What We Take Away

Chapter 23 | Aram

January 16th, 2006

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget the face of that entitled punk from Cassie's dorm.

Who is he to her?

It's a small mercy that the gym is mostly empty this morning, because I need this workout to cleanse my anxiety. Stretching my arms up, I grip both sides of the metal bar with my hands and lower myself onto the bench. With my back ramrod straight, I grit my teeth and exhale, lugging the bar down.

The weights clank as my arms fly up. I repeat the pulldown, straining with the load. My inner demons churn as I try to steady my breaths and find a rhythm. But on a day like today, rhythm feels impossible and out of reach.

You saw the way he looked at her.

I jerk the curl bar more violently than I intend to and my lats burn like hell.

He wants her. It was in his eyes.

Are you going to let that slide, or are you going to be a man and claim what's yours?

Sweat beads down my face as I race through my reps. I don't even know who he is, but suddenly it becomes that much easier to imagine Zac as the one with Cassie instead of me... Zac making Cassie laugh. Zac holding her hand. Zac moving in for a kiss...

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to focus on my breaths, but the weights are too heavy today.

You're too pathetic to hold onto her.

"Damnit!" I shout, releasing the bar.

The weights crash back down into the machine, attracting the glare of the sophomore working the front desk. I lift a hand apologetically and stare at the ground, clutching my hair with my hands.

What is wrong with me? Why do I feel so threatened by a stupid freshman boy?

Before I can embarrass myself further, I swipe my towel from the bench and decide to call it quits for the day.

I leave the gym and step out into the cold, heaving a sigh of relief. It's been a while since I've lost control of myself like that in public. I glance around – parts of campus are slicked in ice from the freezing rain late last night. The Tern Sports Center is even decked with a few icicles here and there. I make my way to my car, which is parked in the small lot in front of the building. Irritated, I toss my belongings into the back of my car and slam the door shut. As I start the engine, I close my eyes and attempt to calm down.

There's a part of me that feels foolish for getting so worked up about Cassie being friends with a guy. But nothing could have prepared me for how overwhelming and obsessive love can feel. Is it possible to fall in love so hard that the mere idea of her being with someone else is enough to make me insane?

I sigh, long and deep. I need to see her. I need to try harder, move things along faster, and prove to her that I'm what she needs. I don't care who Zac is -- he needs to understand I am not going anywhere, and that I very much intend to take my relationship with Cassie to the next level.

---

I'm drowning in a current of ripe jasmine and lush oranges and desire.

Her lashes flitter as I nip the corners of her mouth, teasing her apart for a kiss.

More, I need more.

I run my teeth along her bottom lip and grin when she makes the smallest sound. She is a living contradiction, purity and sin entwined in one, and I am very much her fallen angel.