Dangerous Love ~ Larry Stylinson BDSM AU

34

8 years. 

No phone calls or messages, not even a dm. Do I want him back? I couldn't tell you the answer. I have a good husband now, but even though he's perfect, he's not Harry. I don't love him. I love Harry. After all these years I don't go a day without thinking about him. I even have a kid, but I can't forget about him. 

I heard that if your stronger out of the relationship, you were loved. I was loved that's for sure as hell. Maybe there was a reason I met, and left, Harry Styles. Was it a lesson? Who knows, but there's sure as hell a reason. 

I can't help but think, what could've happened if I never answered the door that day. It all went downhill from there. Niall would be alive, Stan and I would still be friends, and I'm sure Harry and I would be at home right, cuddling and watching our new favorite movies. Instead, I'm living a boring housewife life. I stay home all day with my 2-year-old while my husband goes to his normal office job. 

I never got closure. There's still a part of me hoping to talk to him one more time, but that'd take a miracle. We're both too stubborn to call each other first. I can't tell you how many times I've typed something out to him on Instagram just to delete it two seconds later. 

I know he loved me, and I know I loved him. Just because I was a stupid teenager, as Harry said, I knew I loved him. We were a mess, but we were each other's mess. My husband and I just don't mesh the way Harry and I did. I want adventure, not staying home all day with a kid that doesn't even feel like my own. I feel terribly guilty about it, but I don't love my kid. It's not even mine, it's my husband's. He wanted a kid, not me. 

I wonder if I had that kid with Harry, if I would love it more. I wonder lots of things. Like if I stayed with Harry would we have gotten married? Does he have someone else? Does he ever think about me? All these questions I'll never have an answer to, and that's okay, at least, I think? 

I'm not happy, nor sad, just normal. I don't feel the butterflies when my husband kisses me, or the warm feeling when he talks to me. I can't cuddle him; I just don't love him. I actually do have an answer to the question do I want him back? Yes. I would do anything for it. If he told me to, I'd drop everything I have and live with him anywhere. I want to feel something again. 

Now that we're more grown up, I wonder if we'd do better. I also wonder if he has the same job, or if he works in an office cube like my husband now. I highly doubt it, Harry could never be that boring. He has a heart of fire, always ready to do something. I loved the adventure. I loved feeling scared we were going to be caught. 

I pick up my phone and open his Instagram profile. This is a dumb idea. I tap on dms and start typing. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I delete and rewrite and delete and rewrite. 

Louis: hey

I throw my phone across the room onto the couch. There's no way he'll even read it. He wants nothing to do with me. He's probably with someone right-

ding

Harry: hi

Louis: how r u ??

Harry: missing you

Louis: i do too

Harry: I'm sorry I ever let you go

Louis: its ok wanna meet up ?? 

Harry: No I'm not good for you Louis I love you goodbye 

You can no longer direct message this person

"I love you too," I whisper to myself. I smile at the necklace I kept for all these years and cry. I got closure, in a weird way, but I got it. 

I was in love with a serial killer, and I regret nothing. 

the end