TWENTY TWO

CHAPTER FOUR

"ALCOHOL IS OVERRATED"

This isn't my first time drinking, but it's the first time I'm actually letting myself say it out loud, the first time I don't care if anyone agrees or thinks I'm crazy.

"Just irresponsible decisions and a morning of headaches" he's smiling and taking another shot of overrated alcohol.
For the last thirty minutes, I've been having the most random conversation with this complete stranger in a bar.

I'm talking to a stranger and I'm in a bar.

"What's your name?" We've talked about the most random things in the past thirty minutes and he didn't need to know my name. I don't want him to know my name. Tommorow, I'll wake up with headaches and I'll hate to add irresponsible decisions to my list of tommorow worries.
"Ha...Helena" I say. It's the first time I'm lying about my name. I never need to. It's as simple as, my name is Hannah or I don't want to tell you my name.
"Kevin" he reaches for a handshake and he's smiling. "You don't have to give a fake name, I'm not a bad person" he adds when I don't accept his handshake.
I smile "It's just, we're in a bar" and that's exactly what a bad person would have said.
"I get it Helen" he's still smiling.
I want to tell him my fake name is Helena not Helen but I don't. It's a fake name after all.
"Not many people get drunk by this time, What's up with you?"
I'm not drunk and I have no plans of getting drunk. I'm a pretty girl in a short dress and in a bar, it's not safe, not in this city.

If this were any other day, I'll ignore this good looking man in a suit and walk away. It's none of his business why I'm here. But for some reason, I like this stranger. He's treated me better than any other person today and he doesn't look like a bad person, actually, he looks out of place in his suit and tie.

"You're also drinking" I say taking another shot.
"I just lost my job" he takes a shot and looks at me "We aren't exactly rich" he adds trying to make it sound lesser than it is.

People have real problems and here I am ungrateful I still have my job even if it's six hours away from where my whole life is, a roof over my head, two family members that love me and a fairly good amount in my bank.

"Shouldn't you be saving your money instead of buying drinks?" I should have filtered that. I have no idea if he's in the mood to take blunt advise.
He smiles "So, what are you trying to forget?" he asks ignoring my blunt advice.
"Today" I say and I look at him, he's still looking at me like he wants me to continue.
I want to continue, I want to tell someone how depressing today has been for me.

After today, we'll both forget we met each other and I wouldn't need to wake up to irresponsible decisions like telling a stranger about all my misfortunes. I don't think there's much for me to loose even if he turns out to be a bad person.
In this context, I have no idea what a bad person would do with the fact that I had a real shitty day.

"Today's my birthday" I pause expecting him to say something, sorry? happy birthday! anything. He doesn't, he just gives me a smile that I translate to 'go on'. So I do just that, I go on.
"Nobody remembers, and my boyfriend just broke up with me" I say. That's basically it; Nobody remembers my birthday and then my boyfriend breaks up with me.

He's no longer smiling. He's looking at me like my problem is bigger than him being jobless. It isn't. I know it shouldn't be this big a deal but I've never felt so lonely in my entire life.

"You don't need people to actually have a happy birthday Helen"
I want to tell him 'Of course, I do' but I just laugh "My name is Hannah and my fake name wasn't even Helen" he's laughing too.
"Helen, Hannah, Helena, What's the difference?" he says "Happy birthday Helen" he adds after about three seconds

"I know it hasn't been happy but you have about nine hours left to change that" he continues.
"How am I supposed to do that?" I ask
"They don't remember, they're not worth you having a bad day. I hate to say this but all your friends are assholes. Assholes shouldn't make you sad" he gives a quick smile and then he moves, reaches for his cup and takes another shot. "Your boyfriend is the biggest of all assholes. Well, ex now" he chuckles "Who in their right mind breaks up with such a girl? and today of all days" I know he's just trying to make me feel better but he really doesn't what what kind of girl I am so it doesn't do much "I've known you for like thirty minutes and I can already tell. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny, you're alot of things alot of guys want and your asshole boyfriend just lost" he's looking at me like he means every word and he makes me believe them.

I am pretty amazing and I shouldn't be having a sad birthday, sad and birthday don't go hand in hand, it's a birthday and it should be happy.

"If you're going to be sad then be sad because you have assholes as friends and do that tommorow, you don't get another birthday till next year" I'm smiling now.
I want to say thank you but i know how wierd that would sound so I don't.
"Assholes" I say and we both laugh
"I moved here two months ago. Got transferred at work" I stop to think if mentioning work right now would be okay for him but he doesn't seem as affected as I imagined so I keep going "Main reason I agreed to being transferred was for my boyfriend. I wanted things to work out and that's only possible if we're in the same city. I thought it was fate" I stop for a while, thinking of how naive I was. I basically gave up my perfect life in my perfect city for my Facebook boyfriend.
"I used to have friends back home, they wouldn't have completely ghosted me today. I'm sure if I had social media they'll send me lots of messages. I deleted my social media accounts last month and I've not being in touch with anybody from home, just my mum and my cousin" I add the last part because I could read the confusion on his face when I said if I had social media. He probably thought I live in the forest and have no internet connection.
"Why did you delete your accounts?" he asks

I wish I could give a proper response to that. I wanted an actual life, I was putting in too much to a life that wasn't real. It was scary how much social media made me feel less of myself, I was constantly doing things the real me would never do, measuring my worth with my number of followers and I just needed a break. I wanted to discover me.
I deleted my social media accounts because I was trying to focus more on the real world, with real people.

"I don't know?" I say. He doesn't look like he doesn't believe me, he looks like he understands.
"My wife won't survive a day without IG" he laughs
"Your job, what was it?" I ask and I notice his expression changes, like I just reminded him the one thing he's trying to forget.
"An accountant" he says and for the first time in a while he takes another shot "there were issues with some figures and I'm the one the company blames. They think I've intentionally being altering figures and stealing from them" he chuckles, it's not a happy kind, it's the sarcastic kind of chuckle "I was fired because I'm a thief" he adds
"The people who fired you, they're assholes" I smile, it's a smile that says you'll be fine.
"Assholes" he repeats and takes another shot.