Cross Roads of Life

The Pain

                                                                                                       RUCHIKA

I couldn't gulp a morsel, but Aparna left me with no option. She has forced me on having breakfast. I looked at the woman's grit, her eyes showing how hard she is trying not to break down. The way she is managing her conduct and respecting her husband's ex-girlfriend made me respect her madly.

"Tushar, eat" she gently whispered as Tushar kept staring at me with his deeply longing eyes. That stare held many questions I am answerable for. His stare still has all the love, he used to carry 13 years back.

I felt very bad to have all his attention on me when his wife is present, she is trying very hard for things to not get awkward. Looking around the home, I already guessed that it's all designed according to my tastes.

"Tulika, the climate is very great. Why don't we go and eat our breakfast in the lawn?" Aparna grabbed the plates quickly and hurried away dragging Tulika with her.

I felt ashamed looking at the woman trying to give us space. The door was closed as she left and now I am left all alone with Tushar.

"Tushar, I..." I opened my mouth after a long pause.

"Ju... Just hold me" his request broke me like anything.

Without a word, I turned and embraced him, he melted in my arms and so did I. There was absolute silence except for our raging heartbeats.

The void of my life ended when he caressed my face with love.

Years of pain flowed in the form of tears, there was nothing more important than savoring the moments we have missed. Taking a close look at his face that carried same passion as it had years back, I longingly kissed his forehead

"What mistake have I done to face this worse punishment Ruchi?"

"I am sorry... I am sorry"

"Will that sorry take away everything? Will that change everything that has happened? Tulika is supposed to be our daughter Ruchi, where did all the promises go?"

"Trust me Tushar, looking at her sharp features mirroring yours, I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy hit me for missing out on being a mother of that adorable one. I wanted that to happen more than anyone ever. Maybe the hurt I have caused you made me pay back and had taken away the chance of being a mother ever" I looked away unable to keep looking into his probing eyes.

"What happened Ruchika? I want to know everything... I deserve to know," he demanded.

"Remember when we have decided to tell our parents and I went to Kolkata?" he hummed as I prepared myself to unleash what I have been holding in my heart all these years.

"Come on tell me Beta, when you fidget fingers, I know something is up," Baba said trying to look at me.

He signed the helper to leave us alone.

"Baba... I... actually" my throat dried.

He is the only person whom I had until Tushar walked into my life. I love him soo dearly, but at the same time, I fear him.

"What is that? Love?" he arched a brow.

I gulped hearing the word from his voice, I prayed to every God I knew requesting to make Baba accept.

"It's not any stupid craziness Baba, he loves me dearly and so do I. He understands me Baba, I will be happy with him..." I went on saying.

"What is his full name, what he does, what is his family background, and how much does he earn"

When he asked full name, I know he wanted to know the caste and my voice shivered as I gave Tushar's details.

"Hmmm..." he hummed and silence consumed the air.

"Why don't we discuss this over dinner?" he said.

Jumping in the air, I prepared food for him, everything he likes.

I helped him sit and fed him slowly.

"Ruchi Beta, do you know how your mother died?" he asked.

"Umm...some neighbour attacked her when she was alone, trying to protect me she died"

He laughed a little, "That was the story I told you Beta, because you were a child when you lost her and you certainly were not capable of understanding that the neighbour was none except your mother's lover"

My senses froze hearing to what my father said.

"That ungrateful woman fell in love even after having you with me, she said he understood her like none did, she even thought of divorcing me for that asshole. I returned from the duty unannounced to catch your mother red-handed. People still think that I killed him when he tried to rape your mother, but I killed him to teach your mother a lesson, unable to take that she threw petrol over herself and hugged me trying to burn me down, trying to escape the fire, half of my body is burnt and she died"

"You are an animal.... You are pathetic to be called Dad.. leave Dad you don't even qualify for being a human. I despise you. I thought of seeking your permission, but I no more need to maintain any relation with you. I am going to marry Tushar and live as I want" screaming at him, I grabbed my bag trying to walk away.

"Sure Beta, I would always wish for your wellbeing, nothing will happen to you, but that poor guy. Umm.. what's his name again? Haa Tushar, isn't he the only child of his parents? Poor them, how will they tackle losing their only son??"

"You just can't be this vile... you are a shithole. I will kill you"

"Try it beta, my body might be paralyzed, but my contacts are still intact. The time I took from lunch to dinner was only to get all the information about him and now if you try going against me, he will have to face the consequences"

Crumbling down on the floor with tears flowing own my eyes I begged to spare Tushar, promising that I would do as he wants.

"Grab that paper and pen," my father ordered.

While he dictated the words, I penned down my pain in the form of hatred and sent the letter.