her darling

Chapter 30 [Final Chapter]

                  MARCY'S POV
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My hands are really, really sweaty and unfortunately, clammy.
A disgusting tendency that my body has in reaction to whenever I get nervous.
I grimaced, wiping them roughly in my graduation gown.

This isn't exactly how I envisioned my day going, especially after my hyped up pep talk in the mirror this morning.
You can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather, right?

I just wanted my speech to be perfect.
I needed my speech to be perfect. Fucks sakes.

I bounced my leg anxiously.
Months have passed since my attempt.
So many months so, that today is actually my graduation day.

I took a deep breath that felt stuck in my throat.
I desperately tried to compose myself but at this point, I know my own heart.
I knew that I would not be able to feel composed until I gave this speech and absolutely nailed it.

This entire situation still didn't feel completely real to me.

I, Marceline Haze, was voted as valedictorian.

I inhaled again. I have gotten so, so far.
Maybe now isn't the time to get emotional seeing as I have to address a crowd full of people in a matter of minutes, but I'm allowed to be proud of myself, aren't I?

I got accepted into my dream university.
Kennedy and I are friends again.
My mental health is the best that it's ever been in a long, long time.

Also, She's no longer in my life.

I actually haven't seen her since that day, since my father told her to stay away from me.
Rightfully so.
Her and I together, It just doesn't work.

It didn't work.

I gulped.
Admittedly, I do find myself thinking about her and, unfortunately, I do miss her.
But sometimes things are for the best, you know?

We weren't made for each other.
Even though our hands fit together like a puzzle piece when we held hands under the desk during English class, and she knew exactly how to make me laugh and knew the right tone of voice to gently ask me if I'm okay with her head in between my thighs like a damn siren's call...
We. Weren't. Made. For. Each. Other.

"Make sure the high is worth the low." she always used to say, especially in moments when I didn't want to do something, like study.
"Is not getting into your dream school worth temporary joy of not studying?"

She was the only one that got to see the lazy, not so dedicated and motivated side of me.
I was so comfortable around her.
Key word: was.

In this case, the high was so NOT worth the low.
No matter how euphoric the high was, the low was so much worse.

I shook my head, trying to collect myself.
I shouldn't even be thinking about her right now.
I have a speech to deliver...And so I did.

I delivered my speech, completely avoiding looking at her seated primly in the audience.

I lied to myself, and told myself that she doesn't look good.
She doesn't look happy.
She doesn't look better off without me.

She doesn't.

I mean, it wouldn't matter if she did.
Of course I'm over her.

The crowd cheered and from my peripheral vision, I saw her clapping too and my heart felt like it dropped to my stomach. (In a good way?)

Was she proud of me?
Does she remember all those moments that we had together or did she simply put everything behind her?
We haven't spoken in months, we've barely even seen each other.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?