Hualian AU ~ 11. Flashback 2/Out of XianLe

Part 2

Xie Lian reached the very bottom of hopelessness and self-hatred that time; however with that last interaction, that kid again had unknowingly given him that bounce back. After falling asleep of despairing exhaustion, he woke up hours later; it was either nightfall, or the dawn of the following day, he wasn't sure. Could he really have slept this deep all through the night?

It turned out it was indeed a new dawn on a new day, and even though Xie Lian didn't feel good, he was alive, and he felt he had to do something. If not for himself, at least for someone who believed in him, when he himself didn't. He spent a long time by the window, looking at the early morning sky ecstatically, then went for a long shower.

That whole incident dislodged something within him; on the following days he contacted the Academic Council at The Heavens and properly put his enrolment on hold for the following year. Better to get it out of the way, and lay low for the time being. He meant to tell Jun Wu in due time, but ended up not speaking to him at all.

He went to seek professional help, and started therapy twice a week; after it was reduced to weekly sessions. He worked out and meditated, cleaned and cooked for his parents, went out for long walks in nature; he of course did a lot of overthinking, which he felt it was like "sweating out the toxins". Without other things to focus on than himself, he felt he was well in the way of recovery.

He felt sorry for that kid, imagining he'd go to his school library after his classes as he did every day, and Xie Lian being nowhere to be found. No one to follow, or message. He wondered how he felt, if it was too bad, if he cried himself to sleep at night. He sent silent prayers, 'It's not you, it's not you'; then he often thought, don't be pretentious! You're not that much, that kid will be alright.

Xie Lian's parents were happy to have him around; he looked the same, but it felt different now. He seemed to be truly enjoying things; his father called him all the time for IT or DIY help, and his mum was glad of some help with cooking.

"You've been so down to earth your whole life", his father sometimes said, smiling at him, meaning it was alright to just do nothing for a bit.

"You're young, you got all your life ahead of you", his mum said, playing with his hair while watching tv together.

That same year his parents gave him Ruoye as Christmas present; now Xie Lian would have company on his long walks, only feeling sorry for how that skinny dog shivered when she got all wet from running through tall grass wet with dew. The rest of the time she was a well-behaved little lady, sitting by his feet while Xie Lian meditated or studied, keeping him company at all times.

On the following year, Xie Lian came across the idea of backpacking and its benefits for mental health on Yushi Huang, PhD's podcast. His parents were very supportive, feeling now that he looked fine, he had some growing to do since he wasn't in education. Even though he had withdrawn from social media, he agreed to post his whereabouts on an instagram account for his mum.

So just after his 21st birthday, Xie Lian took off. He had enough money for budget flights and accommodation, but was happy to do odd jobs along the way. Being here, there and everywhere, on big cities and small villages in the countryside or by the sea, eating anything, sleeping anywhere; the road was indeed healing as he had to focus on what was at hand.

At such a young age, he felt a seasoned veteran of a hundred battles; thinking of this book he read once, he often said to himself, 'no matter, the road is life', with an inner smile.

Sometimes he thought of how things turned out in the end. The whole business with WhiteNoFace, leaving his music & YouTubing career behind; he still loved music, and would go rhyming for hours in his head sometimes. Leaving The Heavens, wondering how were Feng Xin and Mu Qing doing. Reaching that extreme distressed state of deleting all his accounts.

He thought of Hong Hong-er often; he never gave himself the chance to get to know that kid better, and regretted a lot of things: ignoring him and even feeling annoyed at his posts, the way he told him to forget. That kid unknowingly helped him so much; he wished he could have helped him too.

These thoughts always led him back to his silent prayers, "I hope you're alright". He'd remembered of that kid's post about him being the best ever, his promise of not forgetting him, and would shake his head lightly. "Who knows? Maybe we'll meet some day". Imagining this always made him smile.

That's it, the flashbacks are short ones, let's not dwell into sad things of the past... 😊

Let's talk about the future instead: number 12 will be the last, then I'm gonna write an extra, a SMUT! I think everyone who came this far super super deserves it... 😘😘😘

After that I'd like you guys to vote!!! 😁😁😁 Would you like...

 a) One shot spin-off about the other characters

b) One shot fantasies, naughty stuff that happened IN OUR DREAMS here and there

c) Enough of Hualian AU, let's do something else!

Please vote, suggest, go crazy - this lowly writer want to hear from you! ❤️

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