Where Is Your Rider?

Chapter IV: Home

Inside my wallet, I hide the people I care most about. Four little polaroid pictures. One of Evangeline, one of Kiara, one of Emily, and one of you; Ellie. The camera's shutter lets in a pattern of light, reflecting the image you take. There are three layers of silver compounds that each absorb a different primary colour: red, blue and green. Evangeline is blue, like her favourite animal the morpho butterfly. Kiara is red, like a good Bordeaux wine she enjoys after a long day at work. Emily is green, like the emerald of her engagement ring. But you? Colourless. I was your moon, you were my sun. Your Artemis, my Apollo. But now that my sun is gone, there is no light in my life. You have left me colourblind.

I never had the strength to remove your picture from my wallet, but it is no longer necessary. The next morning, all four pictures were gone from my wallet. Somehow, they had been taken from me by the water, I assumed. It wasn't my biggest worry. No, not even close. No.

About a month later, it began. I had returned home. The Royal Town of Sutton Coldfield, England.

My little home of red bricks, white windows and doors, and a smokeless chimney. It was a cold little house. A bear's den, where we found solace in the dark nights of winter. I loved nature, and yet I lived in a house with a backyard of stone. Easier to maintain. We had plans to finally create a backyard we liked this summer. Now I was glad you had left it untouched. Ivy grew on both sides of the fencing and blackbirds would nestle between them. This year was the first time we had found dead hatchlings. How joyless.

You enjoyed our home. Our afternoons together, bodies entwined on the couch, wrapped inside a blanket. I drank coffee, you drank hot chocolate. We would watch movies together. It was all so simple. At night, when your headaches kept you awake, we would sneak into the backyard and slowly dance the night away. Our home was simple.

But now that I was back here, I knew I could no longer call it home anymore. Home is not a place; home is a people. And now that you are no longer here, I cannot find my homely comforts and the peace I so desperately crave. No, all I can see is how the couch misses your silhouette, how the living room misses your artworks, how my bed misses your scent. Have you found a new place you call home?

For the first few weeks, Evangeline would come to visit me at least twice a week. Kiara and Emily I saw at least once a week too. We spoke fondly of our time together. Emily's child was becoming a god amongst men. I was glad he was still small; in a few years' time, he would grow too powerful. I never liked children and he was the exception. Kiara found a new boyfriend. He was a humble fellow. Decently attractive, a hard worker, and kind. She spoke not often about him; she never insisted on telling us about her victories when she knew we were on the verge of defeat. That's something I always really appreciated about Kiara. She lived a completely different life, and yet she never made me feel like I was missing something. She made me feel like a valid person. How could anyone dislike her?

There was also an important event coming up. Emily and her boyfriend, Cas, were getting married. I had never felt such happiness for someone else before. She called all of us to show us her finger. It was such a beautiful ring. I often bought you jewelry. I complimented you so often on your adornments, but I could never rival the adornment you gave me. Whenever I held your hand, I felt like I had spun the world around and wrapped it around my fingers like a little string of yarn. No glaring from strangers could cut that thread. I felt so proud to hold you and call you mine.

Now, I could only find happiness in love by seeing one of my closest friends marry the man she loved so much. They were perhaps the greatest people alive. I was glad the wedding happened. The last memories I held of them were amazing, which represented them perfectly.