Where Is Your Rider?

Chapter XI: Reunited

It had not lost its beauty. Its ebony skin was flawless and its darkest eyes were mesmerizing.

It was not a horse, not a human. It was neither dead nor alive. It was neither darkness nor lightness. It was like death.

Death is not evil, nor is death good. Death comes to all, not merely good people nor merely bad people. Death can be violent and painful, but death can also be gentle and tranquil.

Death will always come.

But the creature was not Death; the creature was merely its steed. Not to ride into battle with, but to guide the souls as they leave the vessels that grow old and weak. Death is like a shepherd as it guides its sheep through the valleys.

"Where is your rider?" I ask the creature again.

It looks confused for a moment but then amused. Its perfect stoic face could show emotions, could it have feelings?

"I have been waiting for you. How lonesome have you become, Rider of Flesh?"

It asked the same question, but the answer was different. It was strange. When my friends were alive still, I told it I was alone. But now my friends are all dead, and yet I am not alone. Before, I had lied. Now, I would tell the creature the truth. I was not alone. I never was, and I never would be.

"You have changed, Rider of Flesh. Have you found your true self?"

I had found myself. With my friends and you, I was complete. Yes, I had found myself.

"Then behold yourself, Child of Night and Darkness. You have become Death, little mortal creature. You have surrendered yourself to your berth. Look at your own beauty."

Its longer, slender black finger pointed down, before my feet. Something grabbed at my feet and pulled me into the water.

But I did not struggle against the pressures of the water, nor did the cold or lack of air frighten me. Underwater, I stood on top of the darkness, surrounded by the darkness. Before me, I saw my own reflection. But in that reflection, nothing resembled me. I moved my arms and the creature before me copied me flawlessly. Flawless, like the reflection. I tried to move the things I saw with muscles I didn't know I had. And strangely, I could.

The two wings on my back were black like ravens. It felt strange, but they flowed gracefully through the air. Even though they fluttered with quite a lot of force, I did not push away water, nor did wind blow through my hair. I was no longer in our world. I was gone.

"You see", the disembodied voice of the horse-man began, "you had to bring about death to find your true self. You did not provoke death with violence or trickery. No, you caused death by simply allowing the process that takes all living things at some point to occur. You did not speed it up nor bring it into existence. You merely let it happen. That is all death is; something that happens to everything mortal. There is no right time to die, nor a wrong time to die. There is no good death, nor bad death. Merely pain and painless, tragic and peaceful. Such things are trivial after death. But there must be a creature to guide the remnants of the living onwards, wherever they wish to go. A creature that has experienced life, a creature that has looked death into its eyes and acknowledged it with both fear and respect. A creature that has looked death into its eyes and realized what it truly is. A creature that is completed by death."

The Horse of Death appeared before me. It gracefully trotted until it was merely a few feet from me. It looked as if it walked on water, leaving behind small ripples which faded after a short while.

It bent through its legs before me, its side exposed. It reached out a hand toward me.

"Master, will you join me? Will you become Death?"

It would be over. You wouldn't have to die. You would live.

I looked over my shoulder at my wings. They made such enjoyable sounds as they flapped powerfully.

I had realized what I had done. My friends did not have to die if I had realized sooner what I was becoming. But it was all too late. I would have to live with that knowledge forever.

Or not. I could leave my mortality behind. I would guide the living onwards. I would guide you.

I pushed myself off the ground and with the help of my beating wings, I landed on the back of my steed. It finally had its rider. The Pale Horse of Death was reunited with its master.

My lifeless body floated peacefully on top of the water. I had drowned.